Skip to content
https://jackal.today/

Jackal.Today satirical news site

Jackal.Today satirical news site

  • Home
  • Breaking
    • Live
    • Sport News
  • Elephant Reads CNN
  • The Orange Oracle
  • Videos
  • Movie News
  • Music News
    • Phil Anselmo Daily Grimaces
  • Games News
  • Jackal Research Division
  • Editorial
    • Advertise with us!
    • About Satirical Fake News Site Jackal.Today
    • Agreements and Personal data
    • Terms and Conditions
    • Opt-out preferences
    • Contact the editorial team
    • Authors

Author: Chord F. Discord

Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could "play the kazoo in four languages." Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories. Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
Avantasia’s Tobias Sammet Cries Like A Baby Over The Impending Doom Of Ozzy And Ace (They’re Not Even Dead Yet, What A Drama Queen)
Breaking, Music News

Avantasia’s Tobias Sammet Cries Like A Baby Over The Impending Doom Of Ozzy And Ace (They’re Not Even Dead Yet, What A Drama Queen)

Chord F. DiscordDecember 7, 2025December 7, 2025

In a groundbreaking interview with Chile’s prestigious SonarFM (a.k.a. the only radio station willing to talk to him), AVANTASIA overlord…

ADAM GONTIER on THREE DAYS GRACE’s Tag-Team Vocals: “The Fans Deserved This Circus”
Breaking, Music News

ADAM GONTIER on THREE DAYS GRACE’s Tag-Team Vocals: “The Fans Deserved This Circus”

Chord F. DiscordDecember 7, 2025December 7, 2025

In a groundbreaking interview with Estonia’s AlteRock, the dynamic duo of THREE DAYS GRACE – Adam Gontier and Matt Walst…

Dave Mustaine Blames Ex-Megadeth Dude’s Bad Manners For Reunion Fail, World Ends
Breaking, Music News

Dave Mustaine Blames Ex-Megadeth Dude’s Bad Manners For Reunion Fail, World Ends

Chord F. DiscordDecember 6, 2025December 6, 2025

So, Dave Mustaine, bless his cotton socks, is pondering the END of MEGADETH 🙄. Yes, you heard it right, folks!…

Tommy Lee Gushes Over John 5: Guitar God or Just Really, Really Flammable
Breaking, Music News

Tommy Lee Gushes Over John 5: Guitar God or Just Really, Really Flammable

Chord F. DiscordDecember 6, 2025December 6, 2025

OMG! 🙄 Tommy Lee, bless his heart, is STILL talking about John 5 joining Mötley Crüe? Like, we GET it,…

LIONS AT THE GATE (LOL!) Drops New Single ‘Burn The Candle’ (Cuz They’re Totally Lit, Am I Right?) Feat. Ex-ILL NIÑO & MACHINE HEAD Guys (Who???)
Breaking, Music News

LIONS AT THE GATE (LOL!) Drops New Single ‘Burn The Candle’ (Cuz They’re Totally Lit, Am I Right?) Feat. Ex-ILL NIÑO & MACHINE HEAD Guys (Who???)

Chord F. DiscordDecember 5, 2025December 5, 2025

LIONS AT THE GATE, the supergroup 🙄 featuring ex-ILL NIÑO rejects Cristian Machado (still screaming into the void), Ahrue “Luster”…

Korn Drummer’s Studio: Prepare for Disappointment
Okay, here's your dose of musical mayhem. Prepare to have your eardrums… mildly amused. 🤣
Breaking, Music News

Korn Drummer’s Studio: Prepare for Disappointment

Chord F. DiscordDecember 5, 2025December 5, 2025

KORN‘s Ray Luzier, the dude who hits things for a living, just dropped a THIRTEEN-MINUTE video showcasing his “Lose Yer…

Roland Gift Spotted at Train Station, Probably Just Lost
Breaking

Roland Gift Spotted at Train Station, Probably Just Lost

Chord F. DiscordDecember 5, 2025December 5, 2025

Roland Gift, of *checks notes* Fine Young Cannibals (who?), decided to grace the peasants at London’s St. Pancras International with…

Birmingham Airport Will NOT Become Ozzy Osbourne International Airport: Airport Boss Shuts Down Brummie’s Dreams (Again)
Breaking, Music News

Birmingham Airport Will NOT Become Ozzy Osbourne International Airport: Airport Boss Shuts Down Brummie’s Dreams (Again)

Chord F. DiscordDecember 4, 2025December 4, 2025

So, the bigwigs at Birmingham Airport, bless their cotton socks, have officially stamped on our dreams of landing at “Ozzy…

Swallow the Sun Bio: Now in English (ish) – Preorder Before We Change Our Minds
Breaking, Music News

Swallow the Sun Bio: Now in English (ish) – Preorder Before We Change Our Minds

Chord F. DiscordDecember 4, 2025December 4, 2025

OMG! 😱 Prepare yourselves, metalheads, for the most groundbreaking, earth-shattering news of the century! Century Media Records is proud to…

Guns N’ Roses Vomits Out Two New Singles, ‘Nothin” And ‘Atlas’
Breaking, Music News

Guns N’ Roses Vomits Out Two New Singles, ‘Nothin” And ‘Atlas’

Chord F. DiscordDecember 4, 2025December 4, 2025

OMG! 🚨GUNS N’ ROSES🚨 just dropped two new singles! 🙄 Because, you know, we were all *dying* for more Axl…

Posts pagination

Previous 1 … 51 52 53 … 135 Next

Latest posts

  • TRUTH SOCIAL DISPATCH: President Donald J Trump orders review of discredited climate manuals
  • ORANGE ORACLE UPDATE: Giant Eagle slashes prices on over 300 products this summer
  • System Of A Down in Warsaw, Poland (07/18/2026)
  • Vice President Delighted by Usha Vance’s New Baby PR Opportunity
  • Aaron Lewis Calls Out Posers Using Backing Tracks Because Authenticity Is Overrated Anyway

Editorial
Ads cut
Advertise with us

Introducing Jackal.Today: The Advertising Empire You’ve Always Dreamed Of!

Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
July 2026
S M T W T F S
 1234
567891011
12131415161718
19202122232425
262728293031  
« Jun    
Copyright © 2026 Jackal.Today satirical news site | Spotlight News by Ascendoor | Powered by WordPress.
Manage Consent
To provide the best experiences, we use technologies like cookies to store and/or access device information. Consenting to these technologies will allow us to process data such as browsing behavior or unique IDs on this site. Not consenting or withdrawing consent, may adversely affect certain features and functions.
Functional Always active
The technical storage or access is strictly necessary for the legitimate purpose of enabling the use of a specific service explicitly requested by the subscriber or user, or for the sole purpose of carrying out the transmission of a communication over an electronic communications network.
Preferences
The technical storage or access is necessary for the legitimate purpose of storing preferences that are not requested by the subscriber or user.
Statistics
The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for statistical purposes. The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for anonymous statistical purposes. Without a subpoena, voluntary compliance on the part of your Internet Service Provider, or additional records from a third party, information stored or retrieved for this purpose alone cannot usually be used to identify you.
Marketing
The technical storage or access is required to create user profiles to send advertising, or to track the user on a website or across several websites for similar marketing purposes.
Manage options Manage services Manage {vendor_count} vendors Read more about these purposes
View preferences
{title} {title} {title}