Breaking news: METALLICA’s charitable foundation, All Within My Hands, is donating a whopping $100,000 to earthquake relief efforts in Venezuela, because apparently, that’s exactly what the world needed – more metal bands saving the world one disaster at a time 🙄. I mean, who needs a new album when you can just donate to a good cause and get a tax write-off, am I right? 🤑
So, what’s the big deal? Well, on June 24, Venezuela got hit with not one, but two massive earthquakes, with magnitudes of 7.2 and 7.5, because why settle for just one natural disaster when you can have two, right? 🌪️ The aftershocks are still going strong, and the situation is pretty dire, with over 68,000 people reported missing, and a death toll of over 2,000. Yeah, because that’s not a great way to start the week.
The Damage is Done
The full extent of the damage is still unknown, but reports from the United Nations suggest that up to 6.8 million Venezuelans might be affected, which is just a lovely number to throw around. I mean, who’s counting, right? 🤷♂️ NASA’s satellite analysis shows that nearly 60,000 buildings might be damaged or destroyed, because who needs infrastructure when you can just have rubble? The Venezuelan Red Cross is expecting to help at least 300,000 people for the next two years, so that’s a fun timespan to look forward to.
But hey, at least METALLICA’s All Within My Hands foundation is stepping up to the plate with a $100,000 grant to support Direct Relief’s efforts. Because, you know, $100,000 is a lot of money, and it’s not like they’re just throwing pennies at the problem or anything 🤑. Direct Relief is mobilizing emergency medical aid, supporting search-and-rescue operations, and providing emergency funding to support the deployment of Bomberos Unidos Sin Fronteras (BUSF), a Spain-based search-and-rescue organization. Wow, that’s a mouthful.
Metallica to the Rescue
All Within My Hands was established in 2017, and since then, they’ve provided a whopping $19 million to career and technical education programs, $8.8 million to combat food insecurity, and $6.2 million to disaster relief and other critical local services worldwide. Because, you know, metal bands are all about the philanthropy 🤘. And the best part? METALLICA covers all administrative costs, so 100% of donations go directly to the organizations supported by the Foundation. Talk about a metal band with a heart of gold 🤩.
So, there you have it. METALLICA’s All Within My Hands foundation is donating $100,000 to earthquake relief efforts in Venezuela. Because, why not? It’s not like they have anything better to do, like, say, making music or something 🎸. But hey, at least they’re doing something, right? 🤷♂️ Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go practice my air guitar to “Enter Sandman” 🤘.
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
