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Author: Big Elephant

Armchair patriot. Believes in the free market, cold beer, and that there’s always a guy named George behind every CNN segment.

Former remote-throwing champion turned #1 couch commentator on liberal panic in the media. Born in Texas (or so his mug says), he earned a degree in Fake Newsology & Beer Philosophy from YouTube University.

Missouri Guv’s Trump-Approved Masterplan: Securing Another Comfy GOP Seat (Because Democracy’s Overrated)
Elephant Reads CNN

Missouri Guv’s Trump-Approved Masterplan: Securing Another Comfy GOP Seat (Because Democracy’s Overrated)

Big ElephantSeptember 28, 2025September 28, 2025

Another day, another desperate attempt by the radical left to undermine our glorious President Trump! Missouri’s new House map is…

American Moron Finally Free After Afghan Vacation Gone Wrong
Elephant Reads CNN

American Moron Finally Free After Afghan Vacation Gone Wrong

Big ElephantSeptember 28, 2025September 28, 2025

Another American released from the clutches of the Taliban! You can bet your sweet MAGA hat that this “Amir Amiry”…

From Cancer Ward to Harvard Yard to Getting Trump-Punched: This Girl Can’t Catch a Break
Elephant Reads CNN

From Cancer Ward to Harvard Yard to Getting Trump-Punched: This Girl Can’t Catch a Break

Big ElephantSeptember 28, 2025September 28, 2025

Another day, another hit piece from Fake News CNN! They’re at it again, folks, trying to smear our great President…

Breaking: Geezer Passes Away, Mormon Church in Shambles (Not Really)
Elephant Reads CNN

Breaking: Geezer Passes Away, Mormon Church in Shambles (Not Really)

Big ElephantSeptember 28, 2025September 28, 2025

Another one bites the dust! Russell M. Nelson, head honcho of the Mormon Church, has finally kicked the bucket at…

CNN Anchor Bravely Grills Speaker Johnson on the Impending Government Apocalypse (Again)
Elephant Reads CNN

CNN Anchor Bravely Grills Speaker Johnson on the Impending Government Apocalypse (Again)

Big ElephantSeptember 28, 2025September 28, 2025

Another week, another list of leftist distractions our great President Trump must overcome! Tylenol? Probably needs it after dealing with…

Michigan Church Does the Unthinkable: Hosts a Wildly Unsuccessful Prayer Meeting, Sources Say
Elephant Reads CNN

Michigan Church Does the Unthinkable: Hosts a Wildly Unsuccessful Prayer Meeting, Sources Say

Big ElephantSeptember 28, 2025September 28, 2025

Another day, another “peaceful” incident, this time at a Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in Grand Blanc, Michigan.…

Trump to invade Virginia with top military brass next week, CNN reports
Elephant Reads CNN

Trump to invade Virginia with top military brass next week, CNN reports

Big ElephantSeptember 28, 2025September 28, 2025

Oh, CNN is at it again, folks! President Trump, in his infinite wisdom, plans to attend a meeting with top…

Rudy “Loose Lips” Giuliani Pays Dominion to Shush About 2020 Election Fables
Elephant Reads CNN

Rudy “Loose Lips” Giuliani Pays Dominion to Shush About 2020 Election Fables

Big ElephantSeptember 28, 2025September 28, 2025

Another day, another leftist plot foiled, folks! Rudy Giuliani, a true American patriot, has reached a settlement with Dominion Voting…

Congressional Bigwigs to Schmooze with Trump at White House Monday as Government Shuts Down Like a Cheap Toy
Elephant Reads CNN

Congressional Bigwigs to Schmooze with Trump at White House Monday as Government Shuts Down Like a Cheap Toy

Big ElephantSeptember 28, 2025September 28, 2025

Oh, the Deep State Democrats are at it again, trying to sabotage our glorious President Trump! They’re meeting at the…

Alaska Pays People to Exist: Find Out Why (and How to Snag Your Loot) | CNN
Elephant Reads CNN

Alaska Pays People to Exist: Find Out Why (and How to Snag Your Loot) | CNN

Big ElephantSeptember 27, 2025September 27, 2025

Another socialist scheme gone awry! Alaska’s “Permanent Fund Dividend,” sounds like a communist plot if you ask me. Free money…

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