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Author: Big Elephant

Armchair patriot. Believes in the free market, cold beer, and that there’s always a guy named George behind every CNN segment.

Former remote-throwing champion turned #1 couch commentator on liberal panic in the media. Born in Texas (or so his mug says), he earned a degree in Fake Newsology & Beer Philosophy from YouTube University.

Israel throws wild party, Gaza edition
Elephant Reads CNN

Israel throws wild party, Gaza edition

Big ElephantAugust 30, 2025August 30, 2025

Oh, boo-hoo! More crocodile tears from the liberal media about those poor Gazans. Cry me a river! I bet those…

“Mommy Dearest’s Hitman Hired on a Whim? Kids, Cons & Feds Tell All”
Elephant Reads CNN

“Mommy Dearest’s Hitman Hired on a Whim? Kids, Cons & Feds Tell All”

Big ElephantAugust 30, 2025August 30, 2025

Folks, another day, another example of the Deep State witch hunt against innocent patriots! This time, it’s Donna Adelson, a…

From Zero to Hero (Maybe): Holiday Weekend Lottery Offers a Shot at Instant Billionaire Status
Elephant Reads CNN

From Zero to Hero (Maybe): Holiday Weekend Lottery Offers a Shot at Instant Billionaire Status

Big ElephantAugust 30, 2025August 30, 2025

Another day, another chance for some lucky patriot to win big and help MAGA! Saturday’s Powerball jackpot is a whopping…

How to Labor LESS and Still Have Money this Labor Day Weekend: A CNN Business Masterclass in Being Cheap
Elephant Reads CNN

How to Labor LESS and Still Have Money this Labor Day Weekend: A CNN Business Masterclass in Being Cheap

Big ElephantAugust 30, 2025August 30, 2025

Ah, Labor Day, the last hurrah before we get back to MAGA business! But even patriots need to pinch pennies…

Russia and China: World Order Remodelers Extraordinaire
Elephant Reads CNN

Russia and China: World Order Remodelers Extraordinaire

Big ElephantAugust 30, 2025August 30, 2025

Oh, the horror! Russia and China, those paragons of virtue, are “reshaping the world order.” More like scheming to undermine…

Honey Deuce: Or How to Pretend You’re Fancy at the US Open
Elephant Reads CNN

Honey Deuce: Or How to Pretend You’re Fancy at the US Open

Big ElephantAugust 30, 2025August 30, 2025

Oh, look, CNN is telling us what to drink now. Next, they’ll be mandating kale smoothies and lecturing us about…

CNN desperately tries to track Trump’s next Twitter tantrum
Elephant Reads CNN

CNN desperately tries to track Trump’s next Twitter tantrum

Big ElephantAugust 30, 2025August 30, 2025

Oh, the horror! CNN is wailing about President Trump using his second term to “payback” his critics. Cry me a…

ICE Rounding Up America’s Sweetest: Firefighters, Pastors, and Journalists, Oh My
Elephant Reads CNN

ICE Rounding Up America’s Sweetest: Firefighters, Pastors, and Journalists, Oh My

Big ElephantAugust 30, 2025August 30, 2025

Oh, the horror! ICE is actually doing its job under President Trump, rounding up illegals instead of giving them keys…

From “Defund the Police” to “Please Protect Me”: Zohran Mamdani’s Hilarious Change of Heart
Elephant Reads CNN

From “Defund the Police” to “Please Protect Me”: Zohran Mamdani’s Hilarious Change of Heart

Big ElephantAugust 30, 2025August 30, 2025

Well, well, well, look what we have here! Another day, another Democrat trying to dismantle America, one police force at…

Belinda Carlisle’s California Screamin’ Album: Guaranteed to Make You Miss the 80s (and California, Maybe)
Elephant Reads CNN

Belinda Carlisle’s California Screamin’ Album: Guaranteed to Make You Miss the 80s (and California, Maybe)

Big ElephantAugust 30, 2025August 30, 2025

Hollywood is at it again, folks! Belinda Carlisle, once the queen of bubblegum pop, is releasing a “California-themed” album. Probably…

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