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Author: Big Elephant

Armchair patriot. Believes in the free market, cold beer, and that there’s always a guy named George behind every CNN segment.

Former remote-throwing champion turned #1 couch commentator on liberal panic in the media. Born in Texas (or so his mug says), he earned a degree in Fake Newsology & Beer Philosophy from YouTube University.

Trump’s Corruption Problem Now Sponsored by Crypto
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Trump’s Corruption Problem Now Sponsored by Crypto

Big ElephantJuly 6, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. President Trump’s financial disclosures showed he earned over $2 billion in…

Microsoft Liberates 4800 Employees From Their Paychecks Immediately
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Microsoft Liberates 4800 Employees From Their Paychecks Immediately

Big ElephantJuly 6, 2026

Oh boy, folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. Microsoft is laying off about 4,800 employees, which is…

Trump Demands FIFA Review Because He Said So
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Trump Demands FIFA Review Because He Said So

Big ElephantJuly 6, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. President Donald Trump is at it again, this time weighing in…

Trump Greases Own Ego With Stock Exchange Photo Op
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Trump Greases Own Ego With Stock Exchange Photo Op

Big ElephantJuly 6, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. The Trump Accounts, a new savings and investment vehicle for kids,…

Cracker Barrel pulls off miraculous brand rescue somehow
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Cracker Barrel pulls off miraculous brand rescue somehow

Big ElephantJuly 6, 2026

I’m sipping my coffee and reading about Cracker Barrel’s latest developments, and I have to say, it’s been a wild…

GOP Infighting Ensures Border Security Won’t Get Done Anytime Soon Apparently
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

GOP Infighting Ensures Border Security Won’t Get Done Anytime Soon Apparently

Big ElephantJuly 6, 2026

Folks, I’m sipping my coffee and trying to make sense of this mess in the House of Representatives. It seems…

Texas Family Finds Creative Way to Repurpose Oscar as Therapy Object
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Texas Family Finds Creative Way to Repurpose Oscar as Therapy Object

Big ElephantJuly 6, 2026

I’m sipping my coffee and reading about the Oscar that was loaned to the family of Jackie Cazares, a 9-year-old…

Trump’s Old Pal Wants Him To Go Full Dictator Mode Now
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Trump’s Old Pal Wants Him To Go Full Dictator Mode Now

Big ElephantJuly 6, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. Peter Ticktin, a lawyer and self-proclaimed “best friend” of Donald Trump’s…

OPEC Struggles to Stay Relevant Somehow Still Affects Your Gas Bill
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

OPEC Struggles to Stay Relevant Somehow Still Affects Your Gas Bill

Big ElephantJuly 6, 2026

The Iran war has exposed a long-simmering feud within OPEC, and folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one.…

Trump sends message via red card
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Trump sends message via red card

Big ElephantJuly 6, 2026July 6, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. The World Cup, which had been a lovely distraction from all…

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