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Author: Big Elephant

Armchair patriot. Believes in the free market, cold beer, and that there’s always a guy named George behind every CNN segment.

Former remote-throwing champion turned #1 couch commentator on liberal panic in the media. Born in Texas (or so his mug says), he earned a degree in Fake Newsology & Beer Philosophy from YouTube University.

John Carpenter Resurrects Zombie Flick from Grave (Literally) in Comic Book Form, Because Hollywood Has Officially Run Out of Ideas
Elephant Reads CNN

John Carpenter Resurrects Zombie Flick from Grave (Literally) in Comic Book Form, Because Hollywood Has Officially Run Out of Ideas

Big ElephantJune 14, 2025June 14, 2025

Hollywood is at it again, folks! John Carpenter, the guy who made “Escape from New York” (a documentary, if you…

Oh No, Not Again! Israel’s Former PM Thinks Iran’s Nuke Program Is Still a Thing
Elephant Reads CNN

Oh No, Not Again! Israel’s Former PM Thinks Iran’s Nuke Program Is Still a Thing

Big ElephantJune 14, 2025June 13, 2025

Oh, no! Not Iran again! Here we go with the ex-Israeli PM, probably a secret Democrat, whining about Iran’s nuke…

Another Woke Snowflake Bites the Dust: National Portrait Gallery Director Gets Dumped After Orange Man Bad Tantrum
Elephant Reads CNN

Another Woke Snowflake Bites the Dust: National Portrait Gallery Director Gets Dumped After Orange Man Bad Tantrum

Big ElephantJune 14, 2025June 13, 2025

Another one bites the dust! The National Portrait Gallery director, Kim Sajet, is OUT after President Trump called her out…

‘Total Intelligence Dominance’ or Just Another Day in the Middle East, According to Brett McGuirk (and CNN)
Elephant Reads CNN

‘Total Intelligence Dominance’ or Just Another Day in the Middle East, According to Brett McGuirk (and CNN)

Big ElephantJune 13, 2025June 13, 2025

Oh, CNN, always pushing the liberal agenda! Brett McGuirk, probably a deep-state operative, praising Israel’s strikes on Iran? Sounds like…

Kilmar Abrego Garcia Claims Innocence, Probably Just Helping People Move, Right Guys
Elephant Reads CNN

Kilmar Abrego Garcia Claims Innocence, Probably Just Helping People Move, Right Guys

Big ElephantJune 13, 2025June 13, 2025

Another day, another illegal alien thumbing his nose at our laws! Kilmar Abrego Garcia, a Salvadoran who should have NEVER…

People Suddenly Decide They Don’t Hate Everything, Economy Still Doomed
Elephant Reads CNN

People Suddenly Decide They Don’t Hate Everything, Economy Still Doomed

Big ElephantJune 13, 2025June 13, 2025

Fake News CNN is at it again, folks! They’re trying to downplay the Trump economic miracle! Apparently, consumer sentiment is…

Trump’s “Are You Even American?” Voting Order Gets Epicly Blocked by Judge
Elephant Reads CNN

Trump’s “Are You Even American?” Voting Order Gets Epicly Blocked by Judge

Big ElephantJune 13, 2025June 13, 2025

Another day, another Obama-appointed judge (quelle surprise!) kneecapping President Trump’s efforts to MAGA. This time, Judge Denise Casper—probably a secret…

CNN discovers a spa, pretends it’s news
Elephant Reads CNN

CNN discovers a spa, pretends it’s news

Big ElephantJune 13, 2025June 13, 2025

Oh, CNN, always pushing the globalist agenda, aren’t they? “The Spa in the Land of the Healers”? Sounds like a…

Florida Sheriff Threatens to Send Protesters to the Shadow Realm, No Cap
Elephant Reads CNN

Florida Sheriff Threatens to Send Protesters to the Shadow Realm, No Cap

Big ElephantJune 13, 2025June 13, 2025

More like temper tantrums than protests! These snowflakes can’t handle a secure border. Attorney General Uthmeier is right; time for…

Stephen King’s ‘The Life of Chuck’: Yet Another Reason to Fear the Dark (and Theaters)
Elephant Reads CNN

Stephen King’s ‘The Life of Chuck’: Yet Another Reason to Fear the Dark (and Theaters)

Big ElephantJune 13, 2025June 12, 2025

Oh, great, another Stephen King movie. Probably filled with woke garbage and socialist propaganda. Mark Hamill? That guy hates Trump!…

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