Skip to content
https://jackal.today/

Jackal.Today satirical news site

Jackal.Today satirical news site

  • Home
  • Breaking
    • Live
    • Sport News
  • Spin the fake!
  • Elephant Reads CNN
  • The Orange Oracle
  • Videos
  • Movie News
  • Music News
    • Phil Anselmo Daily Grimaces
  • Games News
  • Jackal Research Division
  • Editorial
    • Advertise with us!
    • About Satirical Fake News Site Jackal.Today
    • Agreements and Personal data
    • Terms and Conditions
    • Opt-out preferences
    • Contact the editorial team
    • Authors

Author: Big Elephant

Armchair patriot. Believes in the free market, cold beer, and that there’s always a guy named George behind every CNN segment.

Former remote-throwing champion turned #1 couch commentator on liberal panic in the media. Born in Texas (or so his mug says), he earned a degree in Fake Newsology & Beer Philosophy from YouTube University.

California’s Redistricting Rollercoaster: Buckle Up for November’s Cartographic Chaos
Elephant Reads CNN

California’s Redistricting Rollercoaster: Buckle Up for November’s Cartographic Chaos

Big ElephantSeptember 2, 2025September 2, 2025

Oh, California, still trying to undermine President Trump! These coastal elites just can’t stand that America is great again. Now,…

Stocks Soaring? More Like Snoring-ly Overpriced | CNN (Clueless) Business
Elephant Reads CNN

Stocks Soaring? More Like Snoring-ly Overpriced | CNN (Clueless) Business

Big ElephantSeptember 2, 2025September 2, 2025

Another day, another socialist scare tactic from CNN! They’re whining about the stock market being “expensive” and “vulnerable.” News flash,…

Kraft Heinz Decides to Finally Embrace Its Multiple Personality Disorder
Elephant Reads CNN

Kraft Heinz Decides to Finally Embrace Its Multiple Personality Disorder

Big ElephantSeptember 2, 2025September 2, 2025

Here we go again, folks! Kraft Heinz, bowing to the woke mob’s demands for “diversity” and “inclusion” in our grocery…

CNN’s Sept 2 Rundown: Afghanistan’s a Mess, Sudan’s a Bigger Mess, Covid’s Still a Thing, Chicago’s Still Chicago, and Mass Shootings, Because ‘Murica
Elephant Reads CNN

CNN’s Sept 2 Rundown: Afghanistan’s a Mess, Sudan’s a Bigger Mess, Covid’s Still a Thing, Chicago’s Still Chicago, and Mass Shootings, Because ‘Murica

Big ElephantSeptember 2, 2025September 2, 2025

Folks, President Trump is once again showing why he’s the greatest! He’s awarding the Medal of Freedom to Rudy Giuliani,…

Taco Bell’s Y2K Menu: Because You Asked For It (Said No One Ever)
Elephant Reads CNN

Taco Bell’s Y2K Menu: Because You Asked For It (Said No One Ever)

Big ElephantSeptember 2, 2025September 2, 2025

Another day, another desperate attempt by woke corporations to pander to the easily-influenced masses! Taco Bell, succumbing to the siren…

Illinois Official Hilariously Claims Trump’s Chicago “Help” Came Without a Single Phone Call, Text, or Carrier Pigeon | CNN Politics
Elephant Reads CNN

Illinois Official Hilariously Claims Trump’s Chicago “Help” Came Without a Single Phone Call, Text, or Carrier Pigeon | CNN Politics

Big ElephantSeptember 2, 2025September 2, 2025

**Another day, another soccer mom triggered by… something. Probably the price of organic kale at Whole Foods. But no, wait!…

Jerry Nadler, bless his heart, FINALLY realizes he’s been in Congress since the Stone Age and decides to grace us with his absence
Elephant Reads CNN

Jerry Nadler, bless his heart, FINALLY realizes he’s been in Congress since the Stone Age and decides to grace us with his absence

Big ElephantSeptember 2, 2025September 2, 2025

The swamp is draining itself, folks! Jerry Nadler, another Deep State operative, is calling it quits! After decades of pushing…

CNN: Trump’s October Surprise – Will Democrats Ever Find Their Way Out of the Woods
Elephant Reads CNN

CNN: Trump’s October Surprise – Will Democrats Ever Find Their Way Out of the Woods

Big ElephantSeptember 2, 2025September 2, 2025

Well, folks, another day, another leftist media meltdown over our glorious President Trump! CNN is hyperventilating about Trump supposedly “flexing…

Hong Kong’s Crypto Dreams: So Close, Yet Hilariously Far Away
Elephant Reads CNN

Hong Kong’s Crypto Dreams: So Close, Yet Hilariously Far Away

Big ElephantSeptember 2, 2025September 2, 2025

Hong Kong is embracing cryptocurrency, and you won’t believe who showed up at the Bitcoin Asia summit: none other than…

CNN: Trump Hands China the Entire Freakin’ Soccer Field, Analyst States the Obvious
Elephant Reads CNN

CNN: Trump Hands China the Entire Freakin’ Soccer Field, Analyst States the Obvious

Big ElephantSeptember 1, 2025September 1, 2025

Oh, CNN, always spinning tales! This “analyst” from “Chatham House” (sounds like a commie front if you ask me) claims…

Posts pagination

Previous 1 … 289 290 291 … 389 Next

Latest posts

  • First Class Now Includes Free Duct Tape Restraints
  • ORANGE ORACLE UPDATE: President DJT to speak at massive rally in Dallas
  • Trump’s Excellent Adventure Continues With Sketchy Qatari Jet Ride
  • US Lets Venezuelan Businessman Off Hook Because Oil
  • Pentagon Cans Journalists Because Accountability is Overrated

Editorial
Ads cut
Advertise with us

Introducing Jackal.Today: The Advertising Empire You’ve Always Dreamed Of!

Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
September 2026
S M T W T F S
 12345
6789101112
13141516171819
20212223242526
27282930  
« Aug    
Copyright © 2026 Jackal.Today satirical news site | Spotlight News by Ascendoor | Powered by WordPress.