Apple Engineers Working Feverishly To Somehow Make Next iOS Update Even Worse
CUPERTINO, CA — Sources within Apple’s Software Engineering Division confirmed that their team was working around the clock to…
Category: Babylon Bee
Exhausted White Liberal Women Clock In For Another Long Day Protecting Migrant Sex Offenders
MINNEAPOLIS, MN — Another long day of work was on the docket, as white liberal women clocked in for…
Pam Bondi Says She Has Finally Figured Out What DOJ Stands For
U.S. — Attorney General Pam Bondi has announced that after almost a year on the job, she has finally…
Pro Athlete Struck By Lightning After Failing To Thank Jesus Christ For Victory
U.S. — Tragedy unfolded at a sporting event over the weekend, as a professional athlete was struck by lightning…
Trump Announces New Round Of Tariffs On Everyone Who Didn’t Laugh At His Jokes In Davos
DAVOS — One day after his speech that made headlines at a gathering of world leaders at the World…
10 Dumbest Things Guardian Angels Have Saved People From
Humans get into a lot of trouble, which all too often is simply a product of our own stupidity.…
Blind Taste Test Finds 9 Out Of 10 Men Prefer Taste Of Water From Garden Hose
CAMBRIDGE, MA — A peer-reviewed paper published by Harvard scientists revealed that, in a blind taste test, 9 out…
Trump Tells E.U. It’s Time We Start Seeing Other Continents
DAVOS — Speaking in Davos at the World Economic Forum, President Donald Trump broke it to European Union leaders…
College Team Credits Football Championship To Discipline, Teamwork, $370 Million
MIAMI, FL — The Indiana Hoosiers credited their shocking college football championship victory to discipline, teamwork, and the $370…
Trump To Convert Entire City Of Minneapolis Into Insane Asylum
WASHINGTON, D.C. — As part of the executive order to bring back mental institutions, President Trump announced this morning…