‘Hey Man, Want Any Red No. 40?’ Asks Dealer Opening Trench Coat
CHICAGO, IL — Authorities are advising citizens to avoid secluded alleyways due to reports of a suspicious individual wearing a…
Category: Babylon Bee
Man From Pennsylvania Under Impression He Has Eaten Mexican Food
SCRANTON, PA — A group of friends received a detailed critique of popular south-of-the-border cuisine recently from a Pennsylvania man…
Tim Walz Volunteers To Wear Gorilla Suit And Wrestle 100 Men
ST. PAUL, MN — Amid online controversy about whether 100 men could defeat one gorilla, former VP candidate Tim Walz…
Bad Timing: Kilmar Abrego Garcia Honored With MS-13 ‘Employee Of The Month’ Award
HYATTSVILLE, MD — Any goodwill extended toward a controversially deported El Salvadorian man took a hit this week due to…
Democrats Show Solidarity With MS-13 By Getting New Face Tattoos
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a beautiful display of solidarity with deported gang members, top Democrats had “MS-13” tattooed directly onto…
Are Your Kids Possessed By Demons Or Just Normal Toddlers? How To Tell The Difference
You wake up in the middle of the night to discover a toddler has silently been staring at you for…
Plastic Army Men: RANKED
As kids, few gifts were more cherished than a new set of little plastic army men. We spent hundreds of…
Media Says No Evidence Demon-Horned Man With Sith Tattoos And Red Lightsaber A Member Of The Sith
CORUSCANT — Despite rampant allegations regarding the appearance of a dark-robed figure engaging in nefarious activities on various star systems,…
Parents Distraught After Finding Soccer Ball Under Son’s Bed
GLADEWATER — Local parents Carl and Patricia Nootsen are reportedly distraught after discovering a soccer ball under their son’s bed.…
Kamala Harris Livestream Speech Will Charge $25 To Use Mute Button
U.S. — An upcoming live-streamed speech by former Vice President Kamala Harris will reportedly charge viewers $25 to mute her.…