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Category: Babylon Bee

Terrified Luigi Mangione Files Restraining Order Against Taylor Lorenz
Babylon Bee

Terrified Luigi Mangione Files Restraining Order Against Taylor Lorenz

FinnApril 14, 2025

BROOKLYN, NY — After a recent interview aired on CNN in which Taylor Lorenz fawned over the accused murderer like…

Gretchen Whitmer Sneaks Into White House Again
Babylon Bee

Gretchen Whitmer Sneaks Into White House Again

FinnApril 14, 2025

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Days after she was unexpectedly caught meeting with President Trump in the Oval Office, Michigan Governor Gretchen…

Donkey Entering Jerusalem Glad To Be Finally Getting Recognition He Deserves
Babylon Bee

Donkey Entering Jerusalem Glad To Be Finally Getting Recognition He Deserves

FinnApril 13, 2025

JERUSALEM — As crowds waved palm branches and laid down their cloaks for him to walk on, a local donkey…

Life Hack: Get Real Starbucks Taste At Home By Dumping Hot Water Over Cigarette Ashes
Babylon Bee

Life Hack: Get Real Starbucks Taste At Home By Dumping Hot Water Over Cigarette Ashes

FinnApril 12, 2025

Ever wished you could recreate that signature Starbucks coffee taste at home? You can! It’s easy, inexpensive, and best of…

7 Surprising Findings From Trump’s Physical
Babylon Bee

7 Surprising Findings From Trump’s Physical

FinnApril 12, 2025

President Trump completed his annual physical at Walter Reed yesterday, earning a clean bill of health — but with a…

Apple Warns China Tariffs Could Negatively Impact Child Slave Employment Opportunities
Babylon Bee

Apple Warns China Tariffs Could Negatively Impact Child Slave Employment Opportunities

FinnApril 12, 2025

CUPERTINO, CA — Apple CEO Tim Cook warned today that heavy tariffs on Chinese imports could have a severe negative…

9 Things More Exciting Than Watching Golf
Babylon Bee

9 Things More Exciting Than Watching Golf

FinnApril 11, 2025

Thousands of people have gathered in Augusta, Georgia, this weekend to watch the Masters Tournament, with millions more set to…

Get A Load Of This White-Knighting SIMP Saving A Princess From A Dragon
Babylon Bee

Get A Load Of This White-Knighting SIMP Saving A Princess From A Dragon

FinnApril 11, 2025

Get a load of this idiot white-knight SIMP trying to save a princess from a dragon. What a beta male!…

Texas Bans Sale Of Assault Rifles With Capacity Of Less Than 30 Rounds
Babylon Bee

Texas Bans Sale Of Assault Rifles With Capacity Of Less Than 30 Rounds

FinnApril 11, 2025

AUSTIN, TX — In a landmark move for the state, the Texas legislature overwhelmingly passed a bill to ban the…

‘Man, People Are Going To LOVE Reading This One,’ Says Moses While Writing Leviticus
Babylon Bee

‘Man, People Are Going To LOVE Reading This One,’ Says Moses While Writing Leviticus

FinnApril 11, 2025

MOUNT SINAI — Hot off the success of Genesis and Exodus, Moses expressed confidence that everyone would love his follow-up…

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