Pete Hegseth Says All Women In The Military Are Now Nurses And Have To Wear Those Hot Matching Outfits Like In WW2
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In his first official act as Secretary of Defense, Pete Hegseth announced today that all women in…
Category: Babylon Bee
Instagram Algorithm Senses Wife Tired, In Bed, Ready To Buy Whatever
SALT LAKE CITY, UT — The algorithm that dictates ads on Instagram sprang into action as Rachel Myers settled into…
Pete Hegseth Celebrates Confirmation With Epic Keg Stand
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Newly minted Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth celebrated his confirmation by performing an absolutely sick keg stand.…
Meet The One Person Who Has Never Done A Hitler Salute
CASPER, WY — Amid the uproar over people accusing Elon Musk of giving a Nazi sign following Donald Trump’s inauguration,…
10 Ways The Seed Oil Lobby Plans To Sabotage RFK Jr.
Incoming Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. has voiced strong opposition to seed oils. Can he get…
Clever Immigrant Evades Trump’s Deportation Efforts By Not Raping, Murdering, Stealing, Or Entering Country Illegally
EL PASO, TX — As part of a genius plot to avoid President Trump’s deportation efforts, a local immigrant has…
Trump Deemed Unfit For Political Office After Doing What He Promised
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Mainstream media outlets deemed President Donald Trump unfit for office this week after he was witnessed doing…
Kamala Harris Excited To Begin New Career As Obscure Trivia Answer
LOS ANGELES, CA — Though insiders said leaving office was a difficult experience for Kamala Harris, the former vice president…
Hurr Durr! Get A Load Of This Retard Who Reads The Bible And Believes It Just Means What It Says
PHOENIX, AZ — A local Christian community was thrown into an uproar this week when it came to people’s attention…
10 Things Found By Trump’s Team When Cleaning Out The White House
President Donald Trump’s administration finally got settled into the White House this week, but word has it that cleaning the…