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Category: Babylon Bee

Assassin Luigi Mangione Takes Lead In 2028 Democratic Primary Polls
Babylon Bee

Assassin Luigi Mangione Takes Lead In 2028 Democratic Primary Polls

December 12, 2024

U.S. — Despite currently being in custody and charged with the murder of a health insurance company CEO, alleged assassin…

After Weeks Of Research, Husband Buys Wrong Christmas Gift For Wife
Babylon Bee

After Weeks Of Research, Husband Buys Wrong Christmas Gift For Wife

December 12, 2024

ANN ARBOR, MI — After weeks of intense research and deliberation among colleagues, local husband Felix Mayweather bought the wrong…

Liberals Sadly Wish Each Other ‘Happy Holidays’ For Last Time Before Trump Makes It Punishable By Death
Babylon Bee

Liberals Sadly Wish Each Other ‘Happy Holidays’ For Last Time Before Trump Makes It Punishable By Death

December 12, 2024

U.S. — Liberals are putting extra effort into their secular holiday plans this year, taking the time to stop and…

Drones Revealed To Be Iranian After Closer Inspection
Babylon Bee

Drones Revealed To Be Iranian After Closer Inspection

December 11, 2024

NEWARK, NJ — A pressing mystery that had puzzled government officials and the general public alike was solved today, as…

Are You Old? Know The Signs
Babylon Bee

Are You Old? Know The Signs

December 11, 2024

As one generation gives way to the next, you may find yourself looking in the mirror and wondering, “Hey, am…

Brett Cooper Leaves Daily Wire, Causing Andrew Klavan To Regain Title Of Daily Wire’s Most Attractive Host
Babylon Bee

Brett Cooper Leaves Daily Wire, Causing Andrew Klavan To Regain Title Of Daily Wire’s Most Attractive Host

December 11, 2024

NASHVILLE, TN — Andrew Klavan has reclaimed his title of Most Attractive Daily Wire Host in the wake of Brett…

Bill Belichick Agrees To UNC Job On Condition He Can Live In Girlfriend’s Dorm
Babylon Bee

Bill Belichick Agrees To UNC Job On Condition He Can Live In Girlfriend’s Dorm

December 11, 2024

CHAPEL HILL, NC — The Tar Heels athletic department was on the brink of pulling off a huge coup this…

Caitlin Clark Explains That White Privilege Feels Weirdly Like Getting Beat Up By Giant Black Lesbians
Babylon Bee

Caitlin Clark Explains That White Privilege Feels Weirdly Like Getting Beat Up By Giant Black Lesbians

December 11, 2024

U.S. — WNBA player Caitlin Clark explained in an interview with TIME that she has been the beneficiary of white…

Michael Bay Hired To Direct Megachurch Christmas Service
Babylon Bee

Michael Bay Hired To Direct Megachurch Christmas Service

December 10, 2024

OVERLAND PARK, KS — This holiday season promised to be more spectacular than any before it for one local megachurch…

Man Struggling To Understand How God Could Let Good Things Happen To Bad People Like Him
Babylon Bee

Man Struggling To Understand How God Could Let Good Things Happen To Bad People Like Him

December 10, 2024

SPRINGFIELD, MO — A local man faced a crisis of faith this week, as friends revealed he was struggling to…

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