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Category: Babylon Bee

Babylon Bee

Tim Cook To Be Replaced By Tim Cook Pro Max 17

FinnApril 20, 2026

    CUPERTINO, CA — Apple announced on Monday that longtime CEO Tim Cook would be stepping down from his role…

Babylon Bee

39-Year Old Man Considering Career Change To Astronaut

FinnApril 20, 2026

    LOS ANGELES, CA — Sources disclosed that a 39-year-old man named Jordan Benson was reportedly considering a career change…

Babylon Bee

Mamdani Orders Visiting Teams To Redistribute Some Of Their Runs To The Mets

FinnApril 20, 2026

    NEW YORK, NY — In a bold new effort to address what he referred to as “run inequality,” Mayor…

Babylon Bee

Mamdani, Obama Treat Preschoolers To Reading Of ‘The Communist Manifesto’

FinnApril 20, 2026

    NEW YORK, NY — Former President Barack Obama and current New York City Mayor Zorhan Mamdani delighted preschool students…

Babylon Bee

Dave Ramsey To Host New ‘Temptation Island’ Where Young Couples Are Enticed By High-Interest Credit Cards

FinnApril 20, 2026

    U.S. — The Fox Network announced on Monday that financial guru Dave Ramsey would be the host of a…

Babylon Bee

Ilhan Omar Assures Public Her Finances Were Handled Honestly By Professionals At ‘Quality Accouting Center’

FinnApril 20, 2026

    WASHINGTON, D.C. — After an ethics review discovered that Congresswoman Ilhan Omar had committed a slight $30 million accounting…

Babylon Bee

Trump Orders Man Jailed For Failing To Give Attention To This Matter

FinnApril 18, 2026

    U.S. — Local man Richard Manfred was arrested today after failing to give attention to a matter despite President…

Babylon Bee

Report: Heaven Offers Special Perks For People Who Dress Up Nice For Church

FinnApril 17, 2026

    HEAVEN — According to angelic sources, Heaven offers special perks for people who dress up nice for church.   HEAVEN…

Babylon Bee

Newsom Reinstates Death Penalty For Anyone Caught Investigating Fraud

FinnApril 17, 2026

    SACRAMENTO, CA — California Governor Gavin Newsom announced on Friday that he would be signing a law reinstating the…

Babylon Bee

$400M Ticketmaster Settlement Reduced To Just $11.50 After Fees

FinnApril 17, 2026

    NEW YORK, NY — A New York federal court found Ticketmaster guilty of operating as a monopoly following its…

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Finn October 8, 2024
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