CDC Advises Those With Diarrhea Parasite To Stay Within Six Feet Of Toilet
ATLANTA, GA — The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention issued an official recommendation this morning that those stricken…
Category: Babylon Bee
Health Safety Tip: Before Consuming Lettuce, Try Being A Man And Eating Real Food
U.S. — In the wake of thousands falling ill due to parasitic infection from fresh produce, health experts are…
10 Rejected Titles For Biden’s New Memoir
At long last, the wait is over — President Joe Biden has written a memoir about his time in…
Trump To Secure Strait Of Hormuz By Posting Old Man Who Asks You 3 Questions Before You May Pass
DOHA — With the U.S. blockade of the important waterway back on amid renewed hostilities in Iran, President Donald…
Explosive Diarrhea Epidemic Traced To Gain-Of-Function Lab At Taco Bell Institute
IRVINE, CA — Though initial reports indicated that the recent cyclosporiasis outbreak had happened naturally through people consuming produce…
Study Shows Mysterious Link Between Trying To Run Over ICE Agent And Bullets Striking Windshield
U.S. — Following yet another controversial incident in recent days involving federal immigration enforcement involvement in the death of…
Scholars Agree Explosive Diarrhea Outbreak Signals Outpouring Of God’s Wrath On Vegetarians
CAMBRIDGE, MA — As a foodborne illness continued to sweep across the United States and strike fear into the…
Banned Books Table Full Of Bestsellers
LAKE ELSINORE, CA — According to sources, customers at a local Barnes & Noble became suspicious when it appeared…
8 Ways Christopher Nolan’s ‘The Odyssey’ Diverges From Its Source Material
Christopher Nolan’s The Odyssey hits theaters on July 17, but it’s bringing a few changes with it. Here are…
Rashida Tlaib Introduces New Campaign Slogan: ‘For A Brighter Future And Also Death to America’
DEARBORN, MI — Fresh off another term of working tirelessly for the nation she despises, Congresswoman Rashida Tlaib introduced…