Trump Threatens Military Action To Take Control Of Canada’s Maple Syrup Supply
WASHINGTON, D.C. — With tensions rising over an ongoing trade dispute, President Donald Trump threatened to send in the…
Category: Babylon Bee
10 Reasons To Move To Ohio
People may think Ohio has nothing to offer, but they’re wrong. It’s still part of America, and that makes…
Canada Vows To Retaliate Against Trump With Crippling Moose Tariff
OTTAWA — With the United States imposing massive tariffs on Canada over the weekend, Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney…
Newsom Signs Law Requiring All Cars To Be Horses By 2030
SACRAMENTO, CA — Governor Gavin Newsom signed a bill into law this week requiring all cars to be horses…
Man Arrested In Britain For Briefly Thinking About Sharing Meme
BIRMINGHAM, ENGLAND — Local man Roger Fisher was arrested this morning on suspicion of briefly considering sharing a meme.…
New Press Secretary To Just Be Picture Of Scott Jennings Doing That Face
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The White House has announced that the new Press Secretary will just be a poster-sized photo…
Numerous Casualties At Park In Bloody Turf War Between Tennis Players And Pickleballers
MINNEAPOLIS, MN — Authorities responded on Friday afternoon to an apparent turf war at Kenwood Park, where tennis players…
England Welcomes Meghan Markle Back With Mandatory Burqa
LONDON — The Duchess of Sussex was welcomed back to England with open arms and a legally mandated burqa…
Thousands Of Accountants Board Higgins Boats In Preparation For ‘Economic D-Day’ Against Iran
PERSIAN GULF — Clutching their pens and calculators tightly, thousands of accountants boarded Higgins boats this morning in preparation…
Sad: Woman’s Mascara Not Smudged Enough While Filming Crying Selfie Video And Now She Has To Start All Over
PALO ALTO, CA — After experiencing repeated mascara malfunctions, local woman Brittany Gleeson admitted to friends that it took…