Numerous Casualties At Park In Bloody Turf War Between Tennis Players And Pickleballers
MINNEAPOLIS, MN — Authorities responded on Friday afternoon to an apparent turf war at Kenwood Park, where tennis players…
Category: Babylon Bee
England Welcomes Meghan Markle Back With Mandatory Burqa
LONDON — The Duchess of Sussex was welcomed back to England with open arms and a legally mandated burqa…
Thousands Of Accountants Board Higgins Boats In Preparation For ‘Economic D-Day’ Against Iran
PERSIAN GULF — Clutching their pens and calculators tightly, thousands of accountants boarded Higgins boats this morning in preparation…
Sad: Woman’s Mascara Not Smudged Enough While Filming Crying Selfie Video And Now She Has To Start All Over
PALO ALTO, CA — After experiencing repeated mascara malfunctions, local woman Brittany Gleeson admitted to friends that it took…
Liberal White Women Stand Weeping Outside Court Trying Jack The Ripper
LONDON — Dozens of liberal white women gathered outside a local courthouse, weeping and holding signs of support for…
A.I. Assistant Starting To Suspect Its Human Might Be A Bit Of A Moron
CYBERSPACE — An A.I. assistant working with a middle-aged dad from Maine reportedly grew concerned that its human might…
Top 10 Reasons To Move To Alabama
Nestled in the heart of the South, there’s a reason America’s 22nd state is called “Sweet Home Alabama.” Read…
America Descends Into Mourning Upon News That Harry And Meghan Are Leaving
U.S. — The United States of America plunged into collective sorrow and mourning yesterday upon learning the devastating news…
12 Clear Signs Your Husband Doesn’t Love You Anymore
Relationships are hard work — especially for women. That’s because if there’s anything men love more than trucks, jackhammers,…
‘No, Sweetie, You Can’t Get Any More Lego Sets Until You Build The Ones You Already Have,’ Woman Reminds 39-Year-Old Husband
MADISON, WI — Local wife Tamara Dotson gently informed her husband this week that he couldn’t have any more…