Man Getting Really Excited About Mario Movie After Seeing Critics Hated It
EUGENE, OR — Local man Bennett Stenson has become increasingly excited for the new Mario movie after hearing that…
Category: Babylon Bee
Pharisee Asks If It’s Normal For Temple Curtain To Suddenly Rip in Half
JERUSALEM — A Pharisee by the name of Ahaziah asked his fellow scribes if it was normal for the…
Supreme Court Denounces New ABS System That Says Whether They Decided A Case Wrong
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Similar to the reaction of umpires to Major League Baseball’s adoption of its new “Automated Ball-Strike…
Woman Born In August Worried Husband Isn’t Thinking About Her Birthday Yet
PROVO, UT — Local woman Denise Stanford expressed concern that her husband, Mike, had yet to begin even thinking…
Trump Introduces New Birth-Wrong Citizenship Rule To Deport All Losers And Haters
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump has for a long time criticized the concept of birthright citizenship — the…
Sneak Peek: A Look At The Features Of Trump’s White House Ballroom
It’s been all the buzz in the media this week, but only The Babylon Bee has the actual details…
Meet the Unsung Hero Who Makes Sure Every Space Mission Doesn’t Have a Stowaway Axe Murderer
CAPE CANAVERAL, FL — Russell Patrick has been doing the same job for NASA for over 50 years, though…
Elon Musk Launches Emergency Rescue Plumber To Repair Artemis’ Toilet
CAPE CANAVERAL, FL — NASA issued a statement on Thursday confirming that Elon Musk had launched an emergency rescue…
What A Moron: Judas Dips Bread In Bowl Right After Jesus Says ‘The One Who Dips The Bread In The Bowl Will Betray Me’
JERUSALEM — Witnesses revealed that total idiot Judas Iscariot dipped his bread in the bowl with Jesus mere seconds…
8 Amazing Features Of Trump’s Proposed Presidential Library
Though Donald Trump will leave office after a new president is elected in 2028, his legacy will live on…