Dad Sits Family Down And Lays Out Summer ‘Lord Of The Rings’ Viewing Schedule
LAKEWOOD, CO — In a solemn family meeting, local father Chandler Cooke gathered his wife and children into the…
Category: Babylon Bee
Op-Ed: If We Stop Discriminating Based On The Color Of People’s Skin, The Racists Will Have Won
There’s a lot of talk out there about ending racial discrimination, but I implore everyone to reconsider. If we…
Theologians Struggling To Explain How Loving God Could Allow Ohio
COLUMBUS, OH — The world’s leading theologians admitted this week that they have been collectively struggling to find a…
Democrats Deny Inciting Violence And Say Anyone Who Thinks They Do Must Be Eliminated By Any Means Necessary
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Less than a week after yet another assassination attempt against President Donald Trump, leaders of the…
Man Regrets Spending 15 Minutes Reading Bible This Morning
JACKSONVILLE, FL — Local man Trevor Riggs announced that he regretted spending 15 minutes reading the Bible this morning.…
Amtrak Informs Small Town Girl Living In A Lonely World That They Don’t Actually Have A Midnight Train Going Anywhere
U.S. — According to reports, a small town girl living in a lonely world was forced to cancel her…
Smoke Alarm Patiently Waits Until 3 A.M. To Announce Low Battery
MACON, GA — A smoke alarm living in the house of a local family waited patiently until all the…
7 Devastating Effects Of Ending Race-Based Gerrymandering
With yesterday’s ruling, the United States Supreme Court officially declared it illegal to redraw voting districts based on the…
Mayor Mamdnai Declares Crisis Of Having Run Out Of Other People’s Money
NEW YORK, NY — Mayor Zohran Mamdani declared an official budget crisis in the city after having completely run…
After Seeing Ben Sasse’s Incredible Faith And Character, Nation Understands Why He Had To Leave Politics
UNITED STATES — After seeing Ben Sasse’s incredible faith in God and upstanding moral character, the nation now understands…