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Category: Elephant Reads CNN

“Not Guilty, Huh? DC Suspect Claims He Was Just Watering the Embassy Plants A Little *Too* Aggressively”
Elephant Reads CNN

“Not Guilty, Huh? DC Suspect Claims He Was Just Watering the Embassy Plants A Little *Too* Aggressively”

Big ElephantSeptember 4, 2025September 4, 2025

Another day, another story of leftist-inspired violence. Elias Rodriguez, some unhinged lunatic, pleaded not guilty to killing two Israeli embassy…

Ivory Tower Insecurity: Universities Triggered by Trump Double Down on Lobbying, Desperately Clinging to Relevance
Elephant Reads CNN

Ivory Tower Insecurity: Universities Triggered by Trump Double Down on Lobbying, Desperately Clinging to Relevance

Big ElephantSeptember 4, 2025September 4, 2025

Folks, can you believe the swamp these universities are swimming in? President Trump is draining it, one leftist indoctrination center…

DC throws a tantrum, sues Daddy Trump over his toys (National Guard)
Elephant Reads CNN

DC throws a tantrum, sues Daddy Trump over his toys (National Guard)

Big ElephantSeptember 4, 2025September 4, 2025

Here we go again, folks! The radical leftist Attorney General of D.C., Brian Schwalb, is suing our glorious President Trump…

Florida GOP Ends Vaccine Mandates: Playing with Fire or Just Being Florida?
Elephant Reads CNN

Florida GOP Ends Vaccine Mandates: Playing with Fire or Just Being Florida?

Big ElephantSeptember 4, 2025September 4, 2025

Oh, those radical Republicans in Florida, finally standing up to the tyranny of…vaccines? It seems the Sunshine State is ditching…

Harvard Judge Throws Shade: Trump Admin Plays the Jew Card, Claims CNN
Elephant Reads CNN

Harvard Judge Throws Shade: Trump Admin Plays the Jew Card, Claims CNN

Big ElephantSeptember 4, 2025September 4, 2025

Another day, another Deep State operative protecting the liberal elite! This activist judge, probably a Soros plant, claims our beloved…

Justice Department Wants to Play With Dominion’s Toys in Missouri’s 2020 Sandbox
Elephant Reads CNN

Justice Department Wants to Play With Dominion’s Toys in Missouri’s 2020 Sandbox

Big ElephantSeptember 4, 2025September 4, 2025

Oh, the Deep State is at it again, folks! They’re trying to make it look like our glorious President Trump…

Breaking News: FAA Pokes Around After Chicago Plane Does Impromptu Lawn Care
Elephant Reads CNN

Breaking News: FAA Pokes Around After Chicago Plane Does Impromptu Lawn Care

Big ElephantSeptember 3, 2025September 3, 2025

Oh, CNN, always finding new ways to undermine our great nation! A private jet “mishap” at Chicago Executive Airport? Don’t…

CNN Says Here Are 5 Things You Should Care About (But Probably Won’t)
Elephant Reads CNN

CNN Says Here Are 5 Things You Should Care About (But Probably Won’t)

Big ElephantSeptember 3, 2025September 3, 2025

Folks, another day, another assault on American values by the liberal media! CNN, still pushing their fake news agenda, tries…

Gilgo Beach Suspect’s DNA Gets a High-Tech Makeover (Thanks, Science)
Elephant Reads CNN

Gilgo Beach Suspect’s DNA Gets a High-Tech Makeover (Thanks, Science)

Big ElephantSeptember 3, 2025September 3, 2025

Another win for justice and sound science, folks! This judge isn’t falling for the Deep State’s attempts to muddy the…

Powerball’s Billion-Dollar Bonanza: From Humble Beginnings to Obscene Riches
Elephant Reads CNN

Powerball’s Billion-Dollar Bonanza: From Humble Beginnings to Obscene Riches

Big ElephantSeptember 3, 2025September 3, 2025

Another day, another dollar… or rather, another billion-dollar lottery jackpot designed to distract the sheeple from the REAL issues. Wake…

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