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Category: Breaking

SLASH Says GUNS N’ ROSES ‘Has Never Been A Big Choreographed Thing’ Because Apparently Chaos Is Their Secret Rehearsal Plan
Breaking, Music News

SLASH Says GUNS N’ ROSES ‘Has Never Been A Big Choreographed Thing’ Because Apparently Chaos Is Their Secret Rehearsal Plan

Chord F. DiscordFebruary 15, 2026February 15, 2026

Well, look who decided to grace us with their presence again — it’s Slash, the human embodiment of “I woke…

Chinese Carmakers Eyeing US Invasion: Ready to Conquer American Roads with Their Bargain Wheels!
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Chinese Carmakers Eyeing US Invasion: Ready to Conquer American Roads with Their Bargain Wheels!

Big ElephantFebruary 15, 2026February 15, 2026

Big Auto in for a rude awakening as Chinese cars invade America For years, those corrupt, out-of-touch globalist car companies…

Architect submits most-detailed renderings so far for White House ballroom, proving once again that even the president needs a place to awkwardly dance
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Architect submits most-detailed renderings so far for White House ballroom, proving once again that even the president needs a place to awkwardly dance

Big ElephantFebruary 15, 2026February 15, 2026

Look, folks—it’s happening! President Trump is making the White House great again with his absolutely incredible new East Wing ballroom!…

Gov. Beshear: ‘Kristi Noem’s statements are wild and they are un-American’—and Also, Has She Met a Mirror?
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Gov. Beshear: ‘Kristi Noem’s statements are wild and they are un-American’—and Also, Has She Met a Mirror?

Big ElephantFebruary 15, 2026February 15, 2026

Breaking: Kentucky Democrat Governor Beshear Outraged as Trump Admin Ensures Only “Right People” Vote In a stunning display of liberal…

Valentine’s Day Co-Op Games For Couples—Because Nothing Says ‘I Love You’ Like Arguing Over Who’s Holding the Controller
Breaking, Movie News

Valentine’s Day Co-Op Games For Couples—Because Nothing Says ‘I Love You’ Like Arguing Over Who’s Holding the Controller

Pixel P. SnarkbyteFebruary 14, 2026February 14, 2026

Valentine’s Day is coming up, and you’re panicking because you haven’t planned anything special for your significant other. Don’t worry,…

States Prep to Hijack Supreme Court’s Redistricting Ruling as Midterms Clock Ticks Down
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

States Prep to Hijack Supreme Court’s Redistricting Ruling as Midterms Clock Ticks Down

Big ElephantFebruary 14, 2026February 14, 2026

Deep State Plot to Kill Voting Rights Act! Liberal Judges Trying to Rig Elections for Democrats! Hold onto your MAGA…

WWE Finally Breaks Kayfabe: Wrestlers Start Dropping Actual Policy Points in the Ring!
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

WWE Finally Breaks Kayfabe: Wrestlers Start Dropping Actual Policy Points in the Ring!

Big ElephantFebruary 14, 2026February 14, 2026

Liberal Woke Wrestling Fans Attack Trump’s ICE While President Takes on the Deep State Big Bad Brody King and Maxwell…

Zelensky Drops Bombshell at Munich: Putin’s Life Support is Apparently War
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Zelensky Drops Bombshell at Munich: Putin’s Life Support is Apparently War

Big ElephantFebruary 14, 2026February 14, 2026

Oh, look! Zelensky is back with his sad slideshow of “Russia bad” at the Munich Security Conference. Because nothing says…

NANCY WILSON’S LAST HEART ALBUM: THE VICTORY LAP BEGINS IN 2027 (BECAUSE 2026 WAS TOO SOON)
HEART's Nancy Wilson: "I've Got Songs, But I'm Also Tired of Sleeping on Tour Buses"
Breaking, Music News

NANCY WILSON’S LAST HEART ALBUM: THE VICTORY LAP BEGINS IN 2027 (BECAUSE 2026 WAS TOO SOON)

Chord F. DiscordFebruary 14, 2026February 14, 2026

In a shocking twist that absolutely no one saw coming, HEART guitarist Nancy Wilson has revealed she’s working on new…

Deep Water Watch: When Aaron Eckhart and Ben Kingsley Realize Sharks Are the Real MVPs
Breaking, Movie News

Deep Water Watch: When Aaron Eckhart and Ben Kingsley Realize Sharks Are the Real MVPs

FinnFebruary 13, 2026February 13, 2026

Oh great, another movie where people survive a plane crash only to realize they’re now the main course in a…

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Latest posts

  • Alan Ritchson tries not to trip on his own ego in the new poster for Motor City
  • Day of the Devs 2026: Because You Clearly Haven’t Spent Enough Money on Video Games Already and Now We’re Gonna Take the Rest of It
  • SGF 2026: Final Fantasy VII Revelation Finally Wraps Up The Remake Trilogy After A Decade Of Teasing And Milking The Franchise For Every Penny Next Spring
  • Liberal US student goes missing in Japan, big whoop, whatever happens
  • Another Bush elitist posing as outsider folk hero wannabe

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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