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Category: Breaking

Beyond the Spider-Verse Leaks Online Because Security Clearly Wasn’t a Priority
Breaking, Movie News

Beyond the Spider-Verse Leaks Online Because Security Clearly Wasn’t a Priority

FinnAugust 14, 2026August 14, 2026

Sony is still trying to contain the leak of a four-minute clip from Spider-Man: Beyond the Spider-Verse, the third film…

GOP Masters the Art of Dancing Around Issues
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

GOP Masters the Art of Dancing Around Issues

Big ElephantAugust 14, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. The Republicans are facing a potentially ugly 2026 midterm election in…

SPIN THE FAKE: Because Apparently We Need a Slot Machine to Read the News
Breaking

SPIN THE FAKE: Because Apparently We Need a Slot Machine to Read the News

FinnAugust 14, 2026

Fake news used to mean something relatively simple: stories that were deliberately fabricated and passed off as news. Then the…

Laid Off CEO Seeks Rehire After Stellar Zoom Performance
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Laid Off CEO Seeks Rehire After Stellar Zoom Performance

Big ElephantAugust 14, 2026

Folks, I’m sitting here with my coffee, reading about Vishal Garg, the former CEO of Better, and I just can’t…

Skillet Blesses Us With More Christian Rock To Suffer Through
Breaking, Music News

Skillet Blesses Us With More Christian Rock To Suffer Through

Chord F. DiscordAugust 14, 2026August 14, 2026

Oh boy, are you guys ready for some Christian rock? 🤘 Because Skillet just announced a new independent EP, “After…

Foghat Still Exists Apparently
Breaking, Music News

Foghat Still Exists Apparently

Chord F. DiscordAugust 14, 2026August 14, 2026

I just spilled my beer all over my shirt because I’m so shocked, SHOCKED, that Foghat is still a thing.…

Star Rail’s latest update hijacks your wallet August 26 with version 4.6
Breaking, Games News

Star Rail’s latest update hijacks your wallet August 26 with version 4.6

Pixel P. SnarkbyteAugust 14, 2026August 14, 2026

In a shocking turn of events, HoYoverse has actually managed to release a update for Honkai: Star Rail without slapping…

Gotta Catch Em All Overpriced Doughnuts Now
Breaking, Games News

Gotta Catch Em All Overpriced Doughnuts Now

Pixel P. SnarkbyteAugust 14, 2026August 14, 2026

Pokémon and Krispy Kreme are at it again, because what’s a better way to celebrate a 30th anniversary than by…

Modern Warfare 4 beta throws in everything including kitchen sink apparently
Breaking, Games News

Modern Warfare 4 beta throws in everything including kitchen sink apparently

Pixel P. SnarkbyteAugust 14, 2026August 14, 2026

Get ready for the most predictable, yet somehow still exciting, news in the gaming world: Activision has announced the beta…

Retail Sales Plummet Because Who Needs Stuff Anyway
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Retail Sales Plummet Because Who Needs Stuff Anyway

Big ElephantAugust 14, 2026August 14, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. The US economy is showing some cracks, and I’m not just…

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Editorial 2026 main
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Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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