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Category: Breaking

Half of Americans say ICE is basically just a volunteer street gang making cities less safe, according to CNN’s latest poll
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Half of Americans say ICE is basically just a volunteer street gang making cities less safe, according to CNN’s latest poll

Big ElephantJanuary 14, 2026January 14, 2026

BREAKING: CNN’s Latest Fake News Poll Proves Americans CRAVE More ICE Action! Folks, the failing CNN is at it again…

Teacher tells court she saw officer basically ‘clock in and clock out’ during Uvalde school massacre while kids were dying
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Teacher tells court she saw officer basically ‘clock in and clock out’ during Uvalde school massacre while kids were dying

Big ElephantJanuary 14, 2026January 14, 2026

BLAST FROM THE PAST: Deep State Re-Hashes Uvalde While Ignoring Real Heroes Like Me! Folks, the Fake News CNN is…

Lee Cronin’s The Mummy Gets a Teaser So New It Forgot to Reanimate
Breaking, Movie News

Lee Cronin’s The Mummy Gets a Teaser So New It Forgot to Reanimate

FinnJanuary 14, 2026January 14, 2026

Oh, fantastic, another reboot! 🎉 Just what the cinematic universe desperately needed: LEE CRONIN’S THE MUMMY, because clearly, we have…

Corey Taylor to Sell You Signed Photos at a Horror Convention (Because He’s in Slipknot, Apparently) in Pasadena This May 2026
Breaking, Events, Music News

Corey Taylor to Sell You Signed Photos at a Horror Convention (Because He’s in Slipknot, Apparently) in Pasadena This May 2026

Chord F. DiscordJanuary 14, 2026January 14, 2026

🧟‍♂️ ATTENTION, MAGGOTS & MONSTER-FREAKS! 🧟‍♂️ Slipknot’s Vol. 5: The Search for More Money has officially begun, and this time…

FBI Plays Hide-and-Seek with Washington Post Reporter’s Home | CNN Business
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

FBI Plays Hide-and-Seek with Washington Post Reporter’s Home | CNN Business

Big ElephantJanuary 14, 2026January 14, 2026

Well, folks, the Deep State and their stenographers in the Fake News Media are at it again, trying to sabotage…

The RSM Chief Economist Warns: Why Dropping Bombs on Iran is Actually Bullish for the Stock Market
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

The RSM Chief Economist Warns: Why Dropping Bombs on Iran is Actually Bullish for the Stock Market

Big ElephantJanuary 14, 2026January 14, 2026

Another Democrat-allied economist from RSM, Joe Brusuelas, is sounding the alarm bells and crying about the markets, folks! Can you…

THE GEMS ‘Accidentally’ Drop ‘Firebird’ Single To Tease Their ‘Year Of The Snake’ Album
Breaking, Music News

THE GEMS ‘Accidentally’ Drop ‘Firebird’ Single To Tease Their ‘Year Of The Snake’ Album

Chord F. DiscordJanuary 14, 2026January 14, 2026

Hold on to your leather pants and prepare your earlobes, because the Swedish hard rock salvation force known as THE…

Animal Crossing: New Horizons Players Hacked Their Switches to Skip the Line for the 3.0 Update Starting Today
Breaking, Games News

Animal Crossing: New Horizons Players Hacked Their Switches to Skip the Line for the 3.0 Update Starting Today

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJanuary 14, 2026January 14, 2026

Strap in, you glorified digital hermits, because your overlords at Nintendo have decided to grace your Switch with the 3.0…

Supreme Court Breathes New Life Into GOP Congressman’s Absentee Ballot Lawsuit Just in Time for More Election Chaos
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Supreme Court Breathes New Life Into GOP Congressman’s Absentee Ballot Lawsuit Just in Time for More Election Chaos

Big ElephantJanuary 14, 2026January 14, 2026

Another glorious victory for election integrity! The Supreme Court, in a decision written by the brilliant Chief Justice Roberts, just…

A ‘Phenomenal’ Actor Has Been Picked To Play The Prince of Darkness In Upcoming Biopic
Breaking, Music News

A ‘Phenomenal’ Actor Has Been Picked To Play The Prince of Darkness In Upcoming Biopic

Chord F. DiscordJanuary 13, 2026January 13, 2026

Hold onto your bat-biting handbags, rock and roll eternity enthusiasts, because the saga of the Prince of Darkness is officially…

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Latest posts

  • Oh No: Band Going to Play Something From New Album
  • Democrats Hopeful Average Texas Voter Wants To Ban Steak And Thinks God Is Gay
  • BREAKING: ANTHRAX Debuts New Song ‘Its For The Kids’ Because Clearly The World Was Missing A 60 Year Old Man Screaming About Juvenile Delinquency
  • The Witcher 3 Is Getting One Last Surprise Expansion Because You Clearly Didn’t Spend Enough Hours of Your Life Playing It Already and Geralt Is Coming Back to Ruin Your Social Life Again
  • Backrooms Review: Because Who Needs Original Ideas When You Can Just Copy Paste Some Spooky Stuff and Call it a Day

Editorial
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Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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