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Category: Breaking

Trump Appointees Close Theater Twice Because Once Wasn’t Enough
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Trump Appointees Close Theater Twice Because Once Wasn’t Enough

Big ElephantAugust 13, 2026

Folks, I’m sipping my coffee and reading about the latest drama at the Kennedy Center, and let me tell you,…

Insomniac Unchains Logan in Marvel’s Wolverine Preview
Breaking, Games News

Insomniac Unchains Logan in Marvel’s Wolverine Preview

Pixel P. SnarkbyteAugust 13, 2026August 13, 2026

Get ready for a bloody good time with Marvel’s Wolverine, the latest game from Insomniac Games. As a seasoned gamer…

Todd Blanche Unites Justice Department With Powerful Plea Apparently
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Todd Blanche Unites Justice Department With Powerful Plea Apparently

Big ElephantAugust 13, 2026

Folks, I’m sipping my coffee and reading about Attorney General Todd Blanche’s inaugural address to the Justice Department workforce, and…

Inflation Takes a Slightly Less Terrible Turn for Once
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Inflation Takes a Slightly Less Terrible Turn for Once

Big ElephantAugust 13, 2026

Folks, I’m sitting here with my coffee, reading about the latest news on inflation, and I have to say, it’s…

Persona Icons Invade NIKKE In Desperate Bid For More Loot Boxes
Breaking, Games News

Persona Icons Invade NIKKE In Desperate Bid For More Loot Boxes

Pixel P. SnarkbyteAugust 13, 2026August 13, 2026

The latest cash-grab collaboration has arrived, and it’s a doozy: Goddess of Victory: NIKKE is teaming up with the Persona…

SKATEBOARD MARKETING Still Somehow Employing People After 35 Years
Breaking, Music News

SKATEBOARD MARKETING Still Somehow Employing People After 35 Years

Chord F. DiscordAugust 13, 2026August 13, 2026

I just spilled my beer all over my desk because I’m so excited to share this news with you all.…

Hollywood Vampires Add 3rd Old Guy To Stage
Breaking, Music News

Hollywood Vampires Add 3rd Old Guy To Stage

Chord F. DiscordAugust 13, 2026August 13, 2026

Oh boy, are you guys ready for some serious rockstar nostalgia? 🤯 Because HOLLYWOOD VAMPIRES just kicked off their first…

Paul Mazurkiewicz Worried He Might Have To Get Real Job Soon
Breaking, Music News

Paul Mazurkiewicz Worried He Might Have To Get Real Job Soon

Chord F. DiscordAugust 13, 2026August 13, 2026

I just stumbled upon an interview with Paul Mazurkiewicz, the drummer for Cannibal Corpse, and I’m shocked – SHOCKED! –…

VA Secretary Loses Trust of White House and Republicans Apparently
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

VA Secretary Loses Trust of White House and Republicans Apparently

Big ElephantAugust 13, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. It seems like the drama never ends in Washington, and this…

Pokemon GO lavishes fans with free Mewtwo to distract from decade of monetization
Breaking, Games News

Pokemon GO lavishes fans with free Mewtwo to distract from decade of monetization

Pixel P. SnarkbyteAugust 13, 2026August 13, 2026

Pokemon GO is celebrating its 10th anniversary, and to make up for the whole “exclusive Mewtwo for influencers” debacle, Scopely…

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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