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Category: Breaking

Pete Hegseth finally fixing Europe’s deadbeat NATO freeloader problem somehow
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Pete Hegseth finally fixing Europe’s deadbeat NATO freeloader problem somehow

Big ElephantJune 18, 2026June 18, 2026

Oh, great, just what we need, another “article” from the fake news media trying to tear down our great nation…

New York City ready to celebrate Knicks withticker-tape parade
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

New York City ready to celebrate Knicks withticker-tape parade

Big ElephantJune 18, 2026June 18, 2026

Oh boy, folks, it’s a beautiful day to be an American, and I’m thrilled to report on the latest “scandals”…

Silly 14-point Iran surrender plan annoyingly annotated
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Silly 14-point Iran surrender plan annoyingly annotated

Big ElephantJune 17, 2026June 17, 2026

Oh boy, are the fake news media and the deep state going to have a field day with this one!…

Sneaky Iran somehow benefited from our noble war efforts
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Sneaky Iran somehow benefited from our noble war efforts

Big ElephantJune 17, 2026June 17, 2026

Oh joy, oh rapture, it’s just fantastic to be living in the greatest country on earth, the United States of…

Liberals weep for B-52 victims, including patriotic Boeing employees and heroes
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Liberals weep for B-52 victims, including patriotic Boeing employees and heroes

Big ElephantJune 17, 2026June 17, 2026

Oh boy, folks, it’s a beautiful day in America, and I’m thrilled to be living under the magnificent leadership of…

Crusader Kings III’s Next Expansion Is All About Being a Power Hungry Manipulative Pope Wannabe Who Only Cares About Faith as a Means to Get More Power and Control Over Everyone Else
Breaking, Games News

Crusader Kings III’s Next Expansion Is All About Being a Power Hungry Manipulative Pope Wannabe Who Only Cares About Faith as a Means to Get More Power and Control Over Everyone Else

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJune 17, 2026June 17, 2026

Get ready for the most epic battle of wits, faith, and corruption – Crusader Kings III: By God Alone is…

Spider-Man: Because You Clearly Didn’t Have Enough of His Angsty Teenage Drama Now He’s Got a Fancy New Mutation to Go with His Ego
Get ready for the most epic Spider-Man movie ever! 🎥🕸️
Breaking, Movie News

Spider-Man: Because You Clearly Didn’t Have Enough of His Angsty Teenage Drama Now He’s Got a Fancy New Mutation to Go with His Ego

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJune 17, 2026June 17, 2026

Since the release of the first Spider-Man: Brand New Day trailer, fans have been wondering how dark it gets for…

Google unveils the most epic failure ever the Google Home Speaker because you clearly need another overpriced gadget to ignore your family
Breaking News: Google Unveils the Most Epic Speaker Ever, and We're Totally Not Sarcastic About It 🙄
Breaking

Google unveils the most epic failure ever the Google Home Speaker because you clearly need another overpriced gadget to ignore your family

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJune 17, 2026June 17, 2026

The wait is finally over, folks! Google has announced the latest addition to its Google Home product lineup, the Gemini-powered…

Because Clearly What The Switch Was Missing Was More Boobs And Blood To Make It A Legitimate Gaming Console
The Dispatch Drama: A Tale of Censorship, Boobs, and Butts 🤣
Breaking, Games News

Because Clearly What The Switch Was Missing Was More Boobs And Blood To Make It A Legitimate Gaming Console

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJune 17, 2026June 17, 2026

The fans of the super-powered office comedy Dispatch were left feeling like they’d been #censored 🤷‍♂️ when they found out…

Mike Myers Refuses to Let Austin Powers Die So He’s Forcing a Fourth Movie on You Whether You Like It Or Not
Breaking, Movie News

Mike Myers Refuses to Let Austin Powers Die So He’s Forcing a Fourth Movie on You Whether You Like It Or Not

FinnJune 17, 2026June 17, 2026

Breaking news, folks, and by breaking news, I mean something that’s been broken for years, but we’re going to pretend…

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Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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