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Category: Breaking

Trump’s Ethics Issues Now Somehow Even More Obvious Somehow
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Trump’s Ethics Issues Now Somehow Even More Obvious Somehow

Big ElephantJuly 17, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. It seems like President Donald Trump and his team are doing…

China’s Leader to Bring Checkbook and Smiles to White House
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

China’s Leader to Bring Checkbook and Smiles to White House

Big ElephantJuly 17, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. President Donald Trump recently made some serious claims about China, saying…

Trump Blames Canada For Air Quality Issues Because Why Not
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Trump Blames Canada For Air Quality Issues Because Why Not

Big ElephantJuly 17, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. President Donald Trump is now holding Canada responsible for the wildfire…

ICE Agents Brilliantly Demonstrate Restraint Techniques On Uncooperative Man
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

ICE Agents Brilliantly Demonstrate Restraint Techniques On Uncooperative Man

Big ElephantJuly 17, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. So, it seems like there was quite the scene at Harry…

Meta Sharing Toys With Anthropic Because Generosity Is Key
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Meta Sharing Toys With Anthropic Because Generosity Is Key

Big ElephantJuly 17, 2026

Folks, I’m sipping my coffee and reading about Meta’s latest move to lease computing capacity to Anthropic, and I have…

Trump Finds Perfect Candidate In Completely Unknown Person
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Trump Finds Perfect Candidate In Completely Unknown Person

Big ElephantJuly 17, 2026

Folks, I was sipping my coffee and reading about President Donald Trump urging Sen. Darline Graham, the younger sister of…

Court Orders Kalshi To Do Exact Opposite Of What Court Says
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Court Orders Kalshi To Do Exact Opposite Of What Court Says

Big ElephantJuly 17, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. The Trump administration has taken a wild step to stop states…

Metal Label Finder: Because Cold-Emailing 300 Labels Isn’t a Strategy
Breaking, Jackal Research Division, Music News

Metal Label Finder: Because Cold-Emailing 300 Labels Isn’t a Strategy

FinnJuly 17, 2026July 17, 2026

Finding the right metal record label sounds easy—until you’re 187 browser tabs deep, three labels have been dead since the…

Apparently a lot of gunfire still
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Apparently a lot of gunfire still

Big ElephantJuly 17, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. President Donald Trump has declared that the “ceasefire” with Iran was…

Another Iconic Character Ruined By Baffling Recasting Decision Coming Soon
Breaking, Movie News

Another Iconic Character Ruined By Baffling Recasting Decision Coming Soon

FinnJuly 17, 2026July 17, 2026

The God of War TV series has hit a snag, and it’s not just the titular god’s famously short temper.…

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Latest posts

  • ORANGE ORACLE UPDATE: US To Seize Iranian Funds For Damages Says President DONALD J TRUMP
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  • New Yorker Being Stabbed On Street Corner Glad To Know Mamdani Focused On Bringing Netanyahu To Justice
  • Trump Finds Creative Ways to Keep Tariffs From Dying Alone
  • OSHA Fines Construction Site For Failure To Blare Mariachi Music

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Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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