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Category: Breaking

Netanyahu Might Get Arrested in New York Because Why Not
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Netanyahu Might Get Arrested in New York Because Why Not

Big ElephantJuly 18, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. New York City Mayor Zohran Mamdani is still considering arresting Israeli…

Tate Brothers’ Vacation Ends Abruptly, Apparently
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Tate Brothers’ Vacation Ends Abruptly, Apparently

Big ElephantJuly 18, 2026

Folks, I’m sipping my coffee and reading about the latest drama unfolding with the Tate brothers, and let me tell…

ICE Officer Shooter Had Preexisting Brain Damage Apparently
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

ICE Officer Shooter Had Preexisting Brain Damage Apparently

Big ElephantJuly 18, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. Apparently, an Immigration and Customs Enforcement officer named David Brouillette, who…

Mick Box Downgrades Uriah Heep Farewell Tour to Just Really Long Goodbye
Breaking, Music News

Mick Box Downgrades Uriah Heep Farewell Tour to Just Really Long Goodbye

Chord F. DiscordJuly 18, 2026July 18, 2026

Oh boy, it’s finally happening! 🙌 URIAH HEEP is embarking on their farewell tour, “The Magician’s Farewell”, and I’m not…

TWISTED SISTER Needs Your Permission To Replace Singer With Slightly Less Old Guy
Breaking, Music News

TWISTED SISTER Needs Your Permission To Replace Singer With Slightly Less Old Guy

Chord F. DiscordJuly 18, 2026July 18, 2026

Breaking News: TWISTED SISTER Recruits Sebastian Bach for Fall 2026 Shows and We’re Still Trying to Process This Information 🤯…

Parents Now Required For Financial Survival Apparently
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Parents Now Required For Financial Survival Apparently

Big ElephantJuly 18, 2026

The American dream of homeownership and wealth accumulation – it’s a topic that’s been on my mind a lot lately,…

Feds’ Story Gets Rewritten By Actual Footage Apparently
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Feds’ Story Gets Rewritten By Actual Footage Apparently

Big ElephantJuly 18, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. Here’s the story of Gabriel Hurtado-Cariaco, a Venezuelan delivery driver who…

MagicCon Amsterdam 2026 spills beans on Magic The Gathering and Hobbit tie up chaos
Breaking, Games News

MagicCon Amsterdam 2026 spills beans on Magic The Gathering and Hobbit tie up chaos

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJuly 18, 2026July 18, 2026

Magic: The Gathering fans are in for a treat with the latest reveals from MagicCon Amsterdam 2026. Wizards of the…

Ralph Norman Seeks to Fill Lindsey Graham’s Oversized Ego Void
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Ralph Norman Seeks to Fill Lindsey Graham’s Oversized Ego Void

Big ElephantJuly 18, 2026

Folks, I’m sipping my coffee and reading the news, and I just can’t help but think that the political landscape…

Eluveitie side project Illumishade blesses world with generic single Heatwave
Breaking, Music News

Eluveitie side project Illumishade blesses world with generic single Heatwave

Chord F. DiscordJuly 18, 2026July 18, 2026

Oh boy, are you guys ready for some seriously heavy stuff? 🤯 ILLUMISHADE just dropped their new single “Heatwave” and…

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Latest posts

  • ORANGE ORACLE UPDATE: US To Seize Iranian Funds For Damages Says President DONALD J TRUMP
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  • New Yorker Being Stabbed On Street Corner Glad To Know Mamdani Focused On Bringing Netanyahu To Justice
  • Trump Finds Creative Ways to Keep Tariffs From Dying Alone
  • OSHA Fines Construction Site For Failure To Blare Mariachi Music

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Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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