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Category: Breaking

Minneapolis Mayor Frey to the White House: ‘You Can’t Intimidate Us, We Prefer Setting Our Own Cars On Fire’
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Minneapolis Mayor Frey to the White House: ‘You Can’t Intimidate Us, We Prefer Setting Our Own Cars On Fire’

Big ElephantJanuary 18, 2026January 18, 2026

Radical Left Minneapolis Mayor Declares Sanctuary City a “No-Go Zone” for Law and Order In a stunning display of liberal…

Mike Pence Skewers Trump’s Absolutely Bonkers Plan to Buy Greenland
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Mike Pence Skewers Trump’s Absolutely Bonkers Plan to Buy Greenland

Big ElephantJanuary 18, 2026January 18, 2026

Conservatives across the country are saying it: Mike Pence has officially joined the Deep State resistance. Here’s the truth about…

Far-Right Influencer Gets Steamrolled by Peace-Loving Counter-Protestors After Bringing Only Three Dudebros to Minneapolis Rally
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Far-Right Influencer Gets Steamrolled by Peace-Loving Counter-Protestors After Bringing Only Three Dudebros to Minneapolis Rally

Big ElephantJanuary 18, 2026January 18, 2026

Based on a True Story: A J6 Hero Gets a Taste of Minnesota Nice in Minneapolis! Grab your popcorn, patriots,…

KONAMI Finally Realizes Manchester United Is A Competitive Campaign All On Its Own In eFootball
Breaking, Games News

KONAMI Finally Realizes Manchester United Is A Competitive Campaign All On Its Own In eFootball

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJanuary 17, 2026January 17, 2026

🤯 eFootball’s Latest Manchester United Campaign: Your Golden Ticket to Digital Glory and Infinite Disappointment! 🤯 Oh, rejoice, ye digital…

Kathleen Kennedy Finally Admits the Han Solo Movie Was the Space-Bucket List Item We All Forgot to Check Off
Breaking, Movie News

Kathleen Kennedy Finally Admits the Han Solo Movie Was the Space-Bucket List Item We All Forgot to Check Off

FinnJanuary 17, 2026January 17, 2026

Behold, the Grand Confession of the Galactic Empress: She Only Regrets the One That Got Away (and the Box Office…

BUSH’S GAVIN ROSSDALE: ‘If In Doubt, Go Heavy’ (Probably Why His Marriage Crumbled)
Breaking, Music News

BUSH’S GAVIN ROSSDALE: ‘If In Doubt, Go Heavy’ (Probably Why His Marriage Crumbled)

Chord F. DiscordJanuary 17, 2026January 17, 2026

Hold onto your flannel shirts, folks, because Gavin Rossdale is here to lecture us all on the sacred science of…

Hold My Hamberder: Why Trump Can’t Nuke Election Day (He’s Too Busy Doing This Weird Thing) | CNN Politics
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Hold My Hamberder: Why Trump Can’t Nuke Election Day (He’s Too Busy Doing This Weird Thing) | CNN Politics

Big ElephantJanuary 17, 2026January 17, 2026

**TRUMP PLAYfully TROLLS FAKE NEWS MEDIA BY ‘JOKING’ ABOUT CANCELLING 2026 ELECTIONS (Because Why Bother When You’re Winning This Bigly?)**…

Your Most Burning Questions About the Minneapolis Shooting That Makes You Wonder If Law Enforcement Is Even Trying Anymore, Answered
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Your Most Burning Questions About the Minneapolis Shooting That Makes You Wonder If Law Enforcement Is Even Trying Anymore, Answered

Big ElephantJanuary 17, 2026January 17, 2026

Tyrant Tim Walz and the Deep State’s Minions in Minneapolis are Having a Complete Meltdown because President Trump’s Glorious ICE…

GOP Repub: Heckler Suspension an oopsie but Donnie Flipping the Bird Was Totally Based, Says CNN Politics
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

GOP Repub: Heckler Suspension an oopsie but Donnie Flipping the Bird Was Totally Based, Says CNN Politics

Big ElephantJanuary 17, 2026January 17, 2026

LIBERAL MEDIA MELTDOWN: Trump Approval Ratings SOAR as CNN Panel Whines About Detroit Hero! The Deep State propaganda machine at…

The Sims 4 Officially Announces The “Pay 40 Dollars to Bow Down to a Digital Duke” Update
Breaking, Games News

The Sims 4 Officially Announces The “Pay 40 Dollars to Bow Down to a Digital Duke” Update

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJanuary 16, 2026January 16, 2026

Throw away your microwave dinners and peasant-grade furniture, because The Sims 4 has finally decided that your Sims are too…

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Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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