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Category: Breaking

Another Remake Of The Odyssey Because Hollywood Ran Out Of Ideas
Breaking, Movie News

Another Remake Of The Odyssey Because Hollywood Ran Out Of Ideas

FinnJuly 16, 2026July 16, 2026

Christopher Nolan’s The Odyssey is coming to theaters, and with it, a plethora of formats to choose from. Because, you…

Phil Collins still not retiring after 45 years of Face Value
Breaking, Music News

Phil Collins still not retiring after 45 years of Face Value

Chord F. DiscordJuly 16, 2026July 16, 2026

Well, folks, it’s time to break out the party hats and noise-makers, because Phil Collins is celebrating 45 years of…

Hospital Tries To Fix Humans With Code Because That’s Going Well
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Hospital Tries To Fix Humans With Code Because That’s Going Well

Big ElephantJuly 16, 2026

I’m sipping my coffee and reading about the latest developments at the Mayo Clinic, where they’re using AI to help…

Rubio summons global squad to discuss those pesky lefties
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Rubio summons global squad to discuss those pesky lefties

Big ElephantJuly 16, 2026

Oh boy, folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. Secretary of State Marco Rubio is convening diplomats from…

Because What The World Really Needed Was Another Rocky Thing
Breaking, Movie News

Because What The World Really Needed Was Another Rocky Thing

FinnJuly 16, 2026July 16, 2026

The Rocky saga appears to have finally come to an end, or so we thought. With Sylvester Stallone now 80…

Black Flag Still Somehow Not Dead Embarks On 50 Year Anniversary Tour Because You Clearly Needed This
Breaking, Music News

Black Flag Still Somehow Not Dead Embarks On 50 Year Anniversary Tour Because You Clearly Needed This

Chord F. DiscordJuly 16, 2026July 16, 2026

Oh boy, are you guys ready for some earth-shattering news? 🤯 I mean, I can barely contain my excitement… Legendary…

Because What The World Really Needed Was Another G.I. Joe Reboot
Breaking, Movie News

Because What The World Really Needed Was Another G.I. Joe Reboot

FinnJuly 16, 2026July 16, 2026

A new G.I. Joe movie is coming, because of course it is. The franchise that has been lurking in the…

US Slaps Brazil with Tariffs Because Fairness Matters Apparently
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

US Slaps Brazil with Tariffs Because Fairness Matters Apparently

Big ElephantJuly 16, 2026

I’m sipping my morning coffee and reading about the latest trade drama between the US and Brazil. It seems the…

Trump’s Master Plan: Get Paid, Somehow, By Anyone, Apparently
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Trump’s Master Plan: Get Paid, Somehow, By Anyone, Apparently

Big ElephantJuly 16, 2026

I was sipping my coffee and reading the news when I stumbled upon this article about President Trump’s foreign policy,…

Gavin Rossdale Still Whining About Being Suddenly Famous
Breaking, Music News

Gavin Rossdale Still Whining About Being Suddenly Famous

Chord F. DiscordJuly 15, 2026July 16, 2026

Oh boy, are you guys ready for some hot takes from the 90s? 🙄 Because Gavin Rossdale, the frontman of…

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Editorial 2026 main
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Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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