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Category: Breaking

Witkoff: Putin’s Unofficial Life Coach, According to Ex-Ukrainian FM (LOL) | CNN
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Witkoff: Putin’s Unofficial Life Coach, According to Ex-Ukrainian FM (LOL) | CNN

Big ElephantNovember 27, 2025November 27, 2025

Another day, another desperate attempt by the failing CNN to smear our glorious President Trump! This time, they’re peddling a…

AI Bullshit: Why Your Portfolio is About to Get Skynet-ted
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

AI Bullshit: Why Your Portfolio is About to Get Skynet-ted

Big ElephantNovember 27, 2025November 27, 2025

Nvidia, the Deep State’s favorite chipmaker, posts “blockbuster” earnings, but the stock dips? Sounds like Soros is shorting it, folks!…

Another Toasty Condo Bites the Dust, Courtesy of Questionable Wiring
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Another Toasty Condo Bites the Dust, Courtesy of Questionable Wiring

Big ElephantNovember 27, 2025November 27, 2025

Another day, another tragedy in a liberal-run city, folks! CNN is reporting a fire in a Hong Kong high-rise, and…

Georgia Prosecutor Accidentally Nukes Trump Case, Blames Rogue Stapler
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Georgia Prosecutor Accidentally Nukes Trump Case, Blames Rogue Stapler

Big ElephantNovember 27, 2025November 27, 2025

Another day, another WITCH HUNT COLLAPSES! Crooked Georgia prosecutor FINALLY admits what we knew all along: the case against our…

Liberal Lawyers Throw Hissy Fit Over USDA’s Totally Reasonable Attempt to Stop Free Food for Illegals
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Liberal Lawyers Throw Hissy Fit Over USDA’s Totally Reasonable Attempt to Stop Free Food for Illegals

Big ElephantNovember 27, 2025November 27, 2025

Another day, another frivolous lawsuit from the radical left! These 21 Soros-backed Attorneys General, led by none other than the…

Justice Department Begs Judge to Unleash the Epstein & Maxwell Files: A Comedy of Errors
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Justice Department Begs Judge to Unleash the Epstein & Maxwell Files: A Comedy of Errors

Big ElephantNovember 27, 2025November 27, 2025

The Justice Department, probably staffed with Deep State leftovers, is *pretending* to comply with the Epstein Files Transparency Act. I…

Trump’s guide to insulting female journalists: From ‘piggy’ to ‘ugly,’ a masterclass in misogyny
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Trump’s guide to insulting female journalists: From ‘piggy’ to ‘ugly,’ a masterclass in misogyny

Big ElephantNovember 27, 2025November 27, 2025

The Failing New York Times, desperate for relevance, has launched another pathetic attack on our glorious President Trump, claiming he’s…

BREAKING: DC goes full Wild West, National Guard joins the shootout – who needs Tombstone
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

BREAKING: DC goes full Wild West, National Guard joins the shootout – who needs Tombstone

Big ElephantNovember 26, 2025November 26, 2025

Another day, another Democrat-inspired crime! Two brave National Guardsmen, sent to D.C. to clean up the leftist mess, were shot.…

CNN Desperately Clings to Relevance as Trump Snubs South Africa from G20 Because Reasons
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

CNN Desperately Clings to Relevance as Trump Snubs South Africa from G20 Because Reasons

Big ElephantNovember 26, 2025November 26, 2025

South Africa OUT, Poland IN! Another brilliant move by President Trump to drain the swamp of globalist cabals! CNN is…

Walmart’s Need for Speed: From Aisle 5 to the Finish Line, Can They Outrun Amazon in Diapers and Toilet Paper?
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Walmart’s Need for Speed: From Aisle 5 to the Finish Line, Can They Outrun Amazon in Diapers and Toilet Paper?

Big ElephantNovember 26, 2025November 26, 2025

Walmart, bowing to the woke mob, replaces hardworking Americans with commie robots! I knew it! Walmart, now run by radical…

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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