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Category: Breaking

Escape Academy 2: Back 2 School Preview: Get Ready to Question Your Life Choices With More Puzzles & Existential Dread
Breaking

Escape Academy 2: Back 2 School Preview: Get Ready to Question Your Life Choices With More Puzzles & Existential Dread

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJuly 5, 2025July 5, 2025

Okay, so, Summer Game Fest 2025, right? We were promised “unannounced” appointments, which, let’s be honest, is like saying you’re…

Arnold’s Biggest Paycheck: You Won’t Believe This Cinematic Masterpiece (Spoiler: It’s Probably Terrible)
Breaking, Movie News

Arnold’s Biggest Paycheck: You Won’t Believe This Cinematic Masterpiece (Spoiler: It’s Probably Terrible)

FinnJuly 4, 2025July 4, 2025

Arnold Schwarzenegger, the guy who single-handedly made biceps cool and explosions even cooler, has been in some cinematic masterpieces. The…

SLAYER’s Back From The Grave (Again!) Cardiff Gets Rained In Blood (Literally)
Breaking, Music News

SLAYER’s Back From The Grave (Again!) Cardiff Gets Rained In Blood (Literally)

Chord F. DiscordJuly 4, 2025July 4, 2025

OMG! SLAYER, those “retired” thrash metal legends (air quotes for dramatic effect), graced us with their presence at Blackweir Fields…

Netflix Vomits Out Another “Best” Animated Movie (Yeah, Right)
Breaking, Movie News

Netflix Vomits Out Another “Best” Animated Movie (Yeah, Right)

FinnJuly 4, 2025July 4, 2025

Okay, so apparently it’s been a real snoozefest for animated movies this year 😴. I mean, who even cares about…

Sherlock Holmes 3: Is This Thing Even Still a Thing? Jared Harris Has Opinions
Breaking, Movie News

Sherlock Holmes 3: Is This Thing Even Still a Thing? Jared Harris Has Opinions

FinnJuly 4, 2025July 4, 2025

So, Jared Harris, bless his heart 🙄, apparently has “no clue” what’s going on with the third Sherlock Holmes movie.…

SPINE: Where Gunfights Become Hilariously Choreographed Fails
Breaking, Games News

SPINE: Where Gunfights Become Hilariously Choreographed Fails

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJuly 4, 2025July 4, 2025

Alright, so I waltzed into SPINE at Summer Game Fest 2025, expecting the usual hype-train wreckage. Tensor City? More like…

‘Spinal Tap’ Director Hilariously Roasts BLACK SABBATH’s Brains After Band Mistakenly Thinks Stonehenge Scene Was Ripped Off From Them
Breaking, Music News

‘Spinal Tap’ Director Hilariously Roasts BLACK SABBATH’s Brains After Band Mistakenly Thinks Stonehenge Scene Was Ripped Off From Them

Chord F. DiscordJuly 4, 2025July 4, 2025

Rob Reiner, the cinematic genius 🙄 behind the *cough* “iconic” mockumentary “This Is Spinal Tap”, has *dared* to criticize the…

Judas Priest Milks ‘Painkiller’ for 35th Time at Some Italian Thingy
Breaking, Music News

Judas Priest Milks ‘Painkiller’ for 35th Time at Some Italian Thingy

Chord F. DiscordJuly 4, 2025July 4, 2025

So, Judas Priest, those geriatric metal gods, apparently graced Italy with their presence at the Ferrara Summer Festival. 🙄 Yes,…

Stronghold Crusader: Definitive Edition’s “Epic Roadmap” to July 15th: Prepare for Disappointment
Breaking, Games News

Stronghold Crusader: Definitive Edition’s “Epic Roadmap” to July 15th: Prepare for Disappointment

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJuly 4, 2025July 4, 2025

Alright, gamers, gather ’round and let’s talk about Firefly Studios and their “plans” for Stronghold Crusader: Definitive Edition. Yes, you…

Zetro’s Back, Baby! Hear Him Butcher Songs He’s Never Even Tried Before
Breaking

Zetro’s Back, Baby! Hear Him Butcher Songs He’s Never Even Tried Before

Chord F. DiscordJuly 3, 2025July 3, 2025

Folks, get ready for the most epic, most groundbreaking, most Zetro-riffic event of the millennium! 🎤 Steve “Zetro” Souza, the…

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Latest posts

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  • Get Ready for the Most Epic Alien Invasion Film Ever Because Steven Spielberg is Finally Going to Reveal the Truth About Earrings and Fashion Disasters from the 80s in Disclosure Day
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Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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