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Category: Breaking

Liberal rich kid Nick Reiner begs for trust fund blood money
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Liberal rich kid Nick Reiner begs for trust fund blood money

Big ElephantJune 9, 2026June 9, 2026

Oh joy, oh rapture, it’s just another day in the swamp that is Washington D.C., where the fake news media…

Fake news CNN whines about Iran’s self-inflicted economic woes
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Fake news CNN whines about Iran’s self-inflicted economic woes

Big ElephantJune 9, 2026June 9, 2026

Oh, great, another “news” article from the fake media trying to tear down our beloved President Trump and his amazing…

Oh Joy Another Apocalyptic Movie to Make You Question the Point of Human Existence Because What Could Possibly Go Wrong with Dogs and Stars and the End of the World
Breaking, Movie News

Oh Joy Another Apocalyptic Movie to Make You Question the Point of Human Existence Because What Could Possibly Go Wrong with Dogs and Stars and the End of the World

FinnJune 8, 2026June 8, 2026

It’s the end of the world as we know it, and Ridley Scott feels fine ๐ŸŒŽ๐Ÿ’€! His latest masterpiece, The…

Break Out the Neon and Big Hair Because the Most Iconic and Totally Not Forgotten Cartoon of the 80s Jem and the Holograms Is Getting a Live Action Series Because You Clearly Asked for This
Breaking, Movie News

Break Out the Neon and Big Hair Because the Most Iconic and Totally Not Forgotten Cartoon of the 80s Jem and the Holograms Is Getting a Live Action Series Because You Clearly Asked for This

FinnJune 8, 2026June 8, 2026

Oh joy, because the world was just missing another live-action adaptation of a beloved ’80s franchise, Jem and the Holograms…

SHINEDOWN’s ZACH MYERS Throws Tantrum Because Robots Are Better Songwriters Than Him
Breaking, Music News

SHINEDOWN’s ZACH MYERS Throws Tantrum Because Robots Are Better Songwriters Than Him

Chord F. DiscordJune 8, 2026June 8, 2026

Oh boy, are you guys ready for some hot takes? ๐Ÿคฃ SHINEDOWN’s Zach Myers is sounding off about people using…

Super Official Totally Not Made Up Book About SLIPKNOT That They Definitely Didnt Try To Stop From Being Written All About Their Rise To Fame And The Chaos
Breaking, Music News

Super Official Totally Not Made Up Book About SLIPKNOT That They Definitely Didnt Try To Stop From Being Written All About Their Rise To Fame And The Chaos

Chord F. DiscordJune 8, 2026June 8, 2026

Breaking news: the world is finally getting a book about Slipknot, and we’re all just thrilled ๐Ÿคฉ๐ŸŽ‰. I mean, who…

Ninja Theory Finally Admits They Got Bored And Stopped Working On Project Mara Because Let’s Be Real It Was Never Going To Be As Cool As DmC Anyway
Breaking, Games News

Ninja Theory Finally Admits They Got Bored And Stopped Working On Project Mara Because Let’s Be Real It Was Never Going To Be As Cool As DmC Anyway

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJune 8, 2026June 8, 2026

Well, well, well, looks like all you Ninja Theory fans out there are in for a major disappointment ๐Ÿค•. The…

SEGA Finally Decides to Explain What the Heck Theyre Doing with GenAI in Crazy Taxi: World Tour Because Apparently Nobody Had a Clue
Breaking, Games News

SEGA Finally Decides to Explain What the Heck Theyre Doing with GenAI in Crazy Taxi: World Tour Because Apparently Nobody Had a Clue

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJune 8, 2026June 8, 2026

The world of gaming is about to get a whole lot crazier, folks, and not just because of the impending…

Snooze fest: Crazy Horse kin hid from America’s greatness obviously
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Snooze fest: Crazy Horse kin hid from America’s greatness obviously

Big ElephantJune 8, 2026June 8, 2026

Wow, can you believe the absolute nonsense that’s been going on in our great nation? I mean, it’s 2026 and…

Iran screws America again what a shock total loser diplomats fail
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Iran screws America again what a shock total loser diplomats fail

Big ElephantJune 8, 2026June 8, 2026

Oh joy, oh rapture, it’s just another day in the utopian paradise that is America under the magnificent leadership of…

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Todayโ€™s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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