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Category: Breaking

Marty Friedman Gets His Genius Ideas From Janitors and YouTube Comments
Breaking, Music News

Marty Friedman Gets His Genius Ideas From Janitors and YouTube Comments

Chord F. DiscordJune 19, 2025June 19, 2025

In a recent interview with Mexico’s Loud! Metal Radio (because, let’s face it, who else would interview him? 🤣), former…

Elden Ring: Nightreign’s Post-Launch Bosses Arrived to Ruin Your Life
Breaking, Games News

Elden Ring: Nightreign’s Post-Launch Bosses Arrived to Ruin Your Life

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJune 19, 2025June 19, 2025

Alright, listen up, you glorious Tarnished noobs! Elden Ring: Nightreign has been out for a whopping three weeks, and FromSoftware…

METALLICA: PLUGINZ Milks Cliff Burton’s Corpse for Cash with Useless Jack Rack Collection
Breaking, Music News

METALLICA: PLUGINZ Milks Cliff Burton’s Corpse for Cash with Useless Jack Rack Collection

Chord F. DiscordJune 19, 2025June 23, 2025

Alright, buckle up, metalheads (and metal-adjacent folks who accidentally clicked on this)! 🤘 Pluginz, those masterminds of musical merchandise, are…

Lisa Su Just Tweeted This Xbox Thing, So Gaming is Saved, Obvi
Breaking, Games News

Lisa Su Just Tweeted This Xbox Thing, So Gaming is Saved, Obvi

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJune 19, 2025June 19, 2025

OMG! 😱 Xbox Teams Up with AMD: Is This the End of Gaming as We Know It? 🤣 Prepare for…

Tom Cruise and a Bunch of Other Losers to Get Pity Oscars
Breaking, Movie News

Tom Cruise and a Bunch of Other Losers to Get Pity Oscars

FinnJune 19, 2025June 19, 2025

OMG! 😱 The Academy is finally throwing a bone to Tom Cruise, giving him an Honorary Oscar! 🏆 You know,…

Styx: Still Rockin’ (Barely) in Concord, CA – 2025’s “Brotherhood of Rock” (AARP Division) Tour
Breaking, Music News

Styx: Still Rockin’ (Barely) in Concord, CA – 2025’s “Brotherhood of Rock” (AARP Division) Tour

Chord F. DiscordJune 19, 2025June 19, 2025

OMG! 🙄 Some geriatric rockers calling themselves STYX (yes, like the river in Hades, because their music is basically eternal…

RICK HUNOLT Bravely Claims EXODUS Made METALLICA And SLAYER Who They Are Today
Breaking, Music News

RICK HUNOLT Bravely Claims EXODUS Made METALLICA And SLAYER Who They Are Today

Chord F. DiscordJune 19, 2025June 19, 2025

So, some dude named Rick Hunolt, formerly of some band called EXODUS (never heard of ’em 🤷‍♂️), graced the “Reckless”…

Limbo & Inside Dude Claims Playdead’s Got Amnesia, Forgetting He Existed
Breaking, Games News

Limbo & Inside Dude Claims Playdead’s Got Amnesia, Forgetting He Existed

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJune 19, 2025June 19, 2025

Oh, the drama! 🍿 The oh-so-serious indie darling studio, Playdead (you know, the ones who made those super-duper depressing games,…

M. Shadows of Avenged Sevenfold: Waking Up Excited (and Annoying Fans Since 2001)
Breaking

M. Shadows of Avenged Sevenfold: Waking Up Excited (and Annoying Fans Since 2001)

Chord F. DiscordJune 18, 2025June 18, 2025

AVENGED SEVENFOLD frontman, the one and only M. Shadows, blesses us with his profound wisdom in the latest episode of…

Fortnite Blitz Royale: Finally, a Battle Royale for Gamers with ZERO Patience
Breaking

Fortnite Blitz Royale: Finally, a Battle Royale for Gamers with ZERO Patience

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJune 18, 2025June 18, 2025

Oh, honey, bless your heart, Epic Games and Fortnite are trying *so* hard with Fortnite Blitz Royale, their new “fast-paced”…

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Latest posts

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  • CHARLIE BENANTE Obviously The Real Brain Behind PANTERA Hopes To Bless The World With More PANTERA Music Because Lets Be Real He’s The Only One Who Actually Mattered Anyway
  • Finally a book returns home after a century of socialist neglect somehow
  • Liberal flight attendant finally quits after 66 years of subsidies

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Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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