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Category: Breaking

DANKO JONES Burps Out New Single ‘Diamond In The Rough’ Featuring Some Guy Named MARTY FRIEDMAN
Breaking, Music News

DANKO JONES Burps Out New Single ‘Diamond In The Rough’ Featuring Some Guy Named MARTY FRIEDMAN

Chord F. DiscordOctober 10, 2025October 10, 2025

Behold, the mighty (and I use that term VERY loosely) DANKO JONES, Toronto’s (allegedly) hardest-hitting rock ‘n’ roll trio, is…

Halo Art Guy Walks After 17 Years, Leaves Salty Note Like a Sore Loser
Breaking, Games News

Halo Art Guy Walks After 17 Years, Leaves Salty Note Like a Sore Loser

Pixel P. SnarkbyteOctober 10, 2025October 10, 2025

Oh no, another one bites the dust! 👋 Glenn Israel, a so-called “art director” (we use that term loosely, folks…

OMG! Another ‘Game of Thrones’ Spinoff Trailer Dropped – Prepare for More Dragons and Questionable Plot Choices
Breaking, Movie News

OMG! Another ‘Game of Thrones’ Spinoff Trailer Dropped – Prepare for More Dragons and Questionable Plot Choices

FinnOctober 9, 2025October 9, 2025

Ah, Game of Thrones, the show that peaked harder than my hairline in college. Six years gone, and we’re still…

MY DYING BRIDE Finally Kicks Out Vocalist (Who Even Knew He Was Still In the Band?)
Breaking, Music News

MY DYING BRIDE Finally Kicks Out Vocalist (Who Even Knew He Was Still In the Band?)

Chord F. DiscordOctober 9, 2025October 9, 2025

MY DYING BRIDE, the band that makes funerals sound like a rave, has finally decided to ditch their lead singer,…

‘Minecraft Movie’ Sequel Officially Plaguing Theaters in 2027
Breaking, Movie News

‘Minecraft Movie’ Sequel Officially Plaguing Theaters in 2027

FinnOctober 9, 2025October 9, 2025

OMG! 😱 The biggest cinematic masterpiece 🎬 of our generation, A Minecraft Movie, raked in a measly $423.9 million in…

Ice Nine Kills Drools Over ’89 Batman, Churns Out Another Generic Track for Clueless Fanboys
Breaking, Music News

Ice Nine Kills Drools Over ’89 Batman, Churns Out Another Generic Track for Clueless Fanboys

Chord F. DiscordOctober 9, 2025October 9, 2025

ICE NINE KILLS, those maestros of musical mayhem, 🤡 invite you to “dance with the devil in the pale moonlight”…

Burton needs to C. the BELL, announces more talking, again
Breaking, Music News

Burton needs to C. the BELL, announces more talking, again

Chord F. DiscordOctober 9, 2025October 9, 2025

Former FEAR FACTORY vocalist, the one and only Burton C. Bell (yes, THAT Burton C. Bell), has graced us with…

Andrew Garfield “Teases” Possible Spider-Man Comeback (Again?!) in the Year 2027 (Maybe, Possibly, If You Really, Really Beg)
Breaking, Movie News

Andrew Garfield “Teases” Possible Spider-Man Comeback (Again?!) in the Year 2027 (Maybe, Possibly, If You Really, Really Beg)

FinnOctober 9, 2025October 9, 2025

🤣Oh, look, it’s Andrew Garfield, still pretending he doesn’t know if he’s going to be in Avengers: Secret Wars. As…

Larian Studios Director Hilariously Roasts Elon Musk’s Pathetic Attempt at Gaming Domination
Breaking, Games News

Larian Studios Director Hilariously Roasts Elon Musk’s Pathetic Attempt at Gaming Domination

Pixel P. SnarkbyteOctober 9, 2025October 9, 2025

Oh, honey, buckle up buttercups! 💅 Elon “Technoking” Musk, fresh off renaming Twitter to “X” because…reasons? 🤔 …is now gracing…

Winds of Change? More Like Winds of “We Need the Money,” Plus Maybe Some New Noise and a Giggle or Two
Breaking, Music News

Winds of Change? More Like Winds of “We Need the Money,” Plus Maybe Some New Noise and a Giggle or Two

Chord F. DiscordOctober 9, 2025October 9, 2025

WINDS OF PLAGUE, those symphonic deathcore… things… that you probably forgot existed, decided to grace us with their presence at…

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Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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