Okay, okay, gamers, calm down! We know you’re all super excited about the latest news from Square Enix, but let’s get this straight – they’re opening not one, but TWO new cafes based on their games! 🎉👏 Because, you know, what every gamer really needs is a themed coffee shop to fuel their gaming addiction ☕️👀. I mean, who needs a social life when you can have a Moogle-shaped coffee cup, right? 🐰😂
So, Square Enix announced via press release (because, you know, that’s how the cool kids do it 📣) that they’ll be opening the Officially Licenced Square Enix Cafe & Shop in Los Angeles, California and Shinjuku, Tokyo. Yeah, because Los Angeles and Tokyo didn’t already have enough cafes 🙄. But hey, at least this one will have a “full, authentic menu” inspired by multiple Square Enix IPs, so you can stuff your face with Chocobo-themed pancakes and wash it down with a Potion of Life (aka coffee 🍵). And, of course, the connected shop spaces will carry a wide selection of official merchandise, because who doesn’t need a $50 t-shirt with a picture of Cloud on it? 🛍️👕
Apparently, this is the first time an official Square Enix cafe will open in the U.S., so all you American gamers can finally experience the joy of overpriced coffee and merchandise 🤩. The Los Angeles cafe will be located at 316 E 1st St., Los Angeles, California 90012, and will be operated by J-Pop Culture Cafe Inc. (because, you know, J-Pop is a thing 🎶). The Tokyo location will be at PASELABO TOWER 1F / 2F / 3F, 3-36-1 Shinjuku, Shinjuku-ku, Tokyo, Japan, and will be operated by NEWTON CORPERATION (no idea what that means, but it sounds cool 🤖).
Now, we know what you’re thinking – “Is this just a fancy way of saying ‘rip-off’?” 🤑 And to that, we say… maybe 🤷♀️. But hey, at least the cafe will have a pretty website, right? 📸 According to the website of the previous Square Enix cafe, “ARTINA”, the name is a combination of “ART + AREA + NEAR”, which is just a fancy way of saying “we couldn’t think of a better name, so we just mashed some words together” 🤣.
Anyway, this is all part of the video game industry’s push to branch out into different mediums and offer unique experiences 🌐. Because, you know, games aren’t enough anymore – we need cafes, movies, TV shows, and theme park rides 🎠🎢. Nintendo’s been doing it, with their official stores and cafes, like the Kirby Cafe in Tokyo (which, let’s be real, is just a excuse for adults to eat cute food and take Instagram pictures 📸). So, Square Enix is just following the trend 🚂. And who knows, maybe one day we’ll have a Final Fantasy-themed amusement park, complete with a ” Summoning” rollercoaster and a “Moogle’s Fun House” 🎠👀. A gamer can dream, right? 😴💤
Pixel P. Snarkbyte, widely regarded as the “Shakespeare of Sh*tposts,” is a video game expert with a unique knack for turning pixels into punchlines.
Born in the small town of Respawn, Pennsylvania, Pixel grew up mashing buttons on an ancient NES controller, firmly believing that “blowing into the cartridge” was a sacred ritual passed down through generations.
Pixel P. Snarkbyte: proving that life, much like a buggy open-world game, is better with a little lag-induced chaos.
