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Category: Breaking

Kimmel Dangles Olive Branch (Probably Poisoned) After Trump’s ABC Meltdown: A CNN Business Masterpiece
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Kimmel Dangles Olive Branch (Probably Poisoned) After Trump’s ABC Meltdown: A CNN Business Masterpiece

Big ElephantNovember 21, 2025November 21, 2025

Oh, the delicate snowflakes at CNN are at it again, clutching their pearls because our glorious President Trump dared to…

Arnold Schwarzenegger’s Brain Exploded When They Tried to Reboot ‘Total Recall’ (Spoiler: It Was a Total Fail)
Breaking, Movie News

Arnold Schwarzenegger’s Brain Exploded When They Tried to Reboot ‘Total Recall’ (Spoiler: It Was a Total Fail)

FinnNovember 21, 2025November 21, 2025

OMG, you guys! 🙄 Arnold Schwarzenegger, the guy who peaked in the ’80s and ’90s (no offense, Arnie ❤️), has…

Genshin Impact’s “Luna 3” Update: Prepare for Disappointment and More Grinding
Breaking, Games News

Genshin Impact’s “Luna 3” Update: Prepare for Disappointment and More Grinding

Pixel P. SnarkbyteNovember 21, 2025November 21, 2025

Ah, yes, the next “big” update for Genshin Impact is almost here! 🙄 Announced with the usual over-the-top fanfare during…

Fortnite Zero Hour Leak: Prepare for the Lamest Finale Ever
Breaking, Games News

Fortnite Zero Hour Leak: Prepare for the Lamest Finale Ever

Pixel P. SnarkbyteNovember 21, 2025November 21, 2025

Oh. My. God. 😱 Is Fortnite Chapter 6 FINALLY ending? Like, seriously, after all this time? They’re calling it “Zero…

Resident Evil: Requiem – Prepare to be Mildly Whemed, Says Totally Unbiased Producer
Breaking, Games News

Resident Evil: Requiem – Prepare to be Mildly Whemed, Says Totally Unbiased Producer

Pixel P. SnarkbyteNovember 21, 2025November 21, 2025

OMG, Resident Evil: Requiem?! More like Resident Evil: Re-*sigh*-em. Capcom, you tease! We’re still scratching our heads about this game,…

Charlotte Cracks Down, and All I Got Was This Lousy ICE Visit
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Charlotte Cracks Down, and All I Got Was This Lousy ICE Visit

Big ElephantNovember 21, 2025November 21, 2025

Oh, the drama in Charlotte! It seems our precious snowflakes are melting faster than an ice sculpture at a global…

5 things you should pretend to care about today: Some guy named Mamdani, ‘Seditious behavior’ (yawn), Autism and vaccines (eye roll), a beauty pageant, and something happening in Gaza
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

5 things you should pretend to care about today: Some guy named Mamdani, ‘Seditious behavior’ (yawn), Autism and vaccines (eye roll), a beauty pageant, and something happening in Gaza

Big ElephantNovember 21, 2025November 21, 2025

Folks, let’s cut through the fake news fog! The liberal media’s trying to distract you from the REAL issues, like…

DOJ Investigates if Ed Martin and Bill Pulte’s Adam Schiff Mortgage Fraud Probe Was a Total Clown Show, CNN Reports
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

DOJ Investigates if Ed Martin and Bill Pulte’s Adam Schiff Mortgage Fraud Probe Was a Total Clown Show, CNN Reports

Big ElephantNovember 21, 2025November 21, 2025

Another day, another Deep State plot uncovered! The liberal media is twisting itself into knots trying to protect Adam Schiff,…

Eclipse Glow Games Vomits New “Tides Of Annihilation” Trailer During Xbox Partner Preview (We’re So Sorry)
Breaking, Games News

Eclipse Glow Games Vomits New “Tides Of Annihilation” Trailer During Xbox Partner Preview (We’re So Sorry)

Pixel P. SnarkbyteNovember 21, 2025November 21, 2025

Alright gamers, buckle up because Eclipse Glow Games, in their infinite wisdom (or lack thereof), has dropped another trailer for…

LAMB OF GOD Drops New Single ‘Parasocial Christ’ – Prepare to Worship Your Screen
Breaking, Music News

LAMB OF GOD Drops New Single ‘Parasocial Christ’ – Prepare to Worship Your Screen

Chord F. DiscordNovember 21, 2025November 21, 2025

LAMB OF GOD, those elder statesmen of metalcore dad-rock, have graced us with “Parasocial Christ,” a three-minute sonic tantrum designed…

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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