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Category: Breaking

TikTok Pays $400 Million For Breaking Child Privacy Not That Badly
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

TikTok Pays $400 Million For Breaking Child Privacy Not That Badly

Big ElephantAugust 21, 2026

I’m sipping my coffee and reading about the latest settlement between TikTok and the US Justice Department, and folks, it’s…

Al Sharpton Somehow Manages To Get Sued Again
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Al Sharpton Somehow Manages To Get Sued Again

Big ElephantAugust 21, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. It seems like the Rev. Al Sharpton is in hot water…

Log Cabin Republicans Ditch Trans Friends, Still Super Conservative Though
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Log Cabin Republicans Ditch Trans Friends, Still Super Conservative Though

Big ElephantAugust 21, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. The Log Cabin Republicans, a group for gay conservatives, has decided…

Pentagon caves to Fox News host’s very loud opinions apparently
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Pentagon caves to Fox News host’s very loud opinions apparently

Big ElephantAugust 21, 2026

Folks, I’m sipping my coffee and reading about the Pentagon forcing out top staffers at Stars & Stripes, and I’ve…

Jason Statham Movie Leaks Because Who Needs Marketing Anyway
Breaking, Movie News

Jason Statham Movie Leaks Because Who Needs Marketing Anyway

FinnAugust 21, 2026August 21, 2026

Movie industry experts are sounding the alarm as the window for exclusive theater releases continues to shrink, with some films…

Because What The World Needed Was Another Superman Spinoff
Breaking, Movie News

Because What The World Needed Was Another Superman Spinoff

FinnAugust 21, 2026August 21, 2026

The DC Universe is at it again, because of course it is. The latest announcement from HBO Max is a…

Bond Market Hits Panic Button Again Because Surprises Never Happen
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Bond Market Hits Panic Button Again Because Surprises Never Happen

Big ElephantAugust 21, 2026

Well, folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. The bond market has been having a tough week, and…

Gas Prices Soar Because Who Needs Savings Anyway
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Gas Prices Soar Because Who Needs Savings Anyway

Big ElephantAugust 21, 2026

Folks, I’m sipping my coffee and reading about how high gas prices are still weighing on Americans, and I’ve got…

VEIL OF MAYA Fans Desperately Cling To Lukas Magyar’s New Project SIFYN
Breaking, Music News

VEIL OF MAYA Fans Desperately Cling To Lukas Magyar’s New Project SIFYN

Chord F. DiscordAugust 21, 2026August 21, 2026

Oh boy, are you guys ready for some life-changing music? 🤯 I mean, who needs personal growth or meaningful relationships…

KISS Tries To Stay Relevant With Awkward Baseball Pitch
Breaking, Music News

KISS Tries To Stay Relevant With Awkward Baseball Pitch

Chord F. DiscordAugust 21, 2026August 21, 2026

Oh boy, are you guys ready for some totally-not-desperate attempts to cling to relevance? 🤣 Because I’ve got a doozy…

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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