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Category: Breaking

Energy Secretary Chris Wright vows gas prices will plummet: ‘This is a weeks… not a months thing.’ — because who needs months when you’ve got magic?
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Energy Secretary Chris Wright vows gas prices will plummet: ‘This is a weeks… not a months thing.’ — because who needs months when you’ve got magic?

Big ElephantMarch 8, 2026March 8, 2026

Energy Secretary Chris Wright Promises Quick Relief at the Pump as Trump’s America Takes Charge In a stunning display of…

GOP Commentator finds WH videos comparing Iran war to games ‘kind of gross’—because apparently, war isn’t supposed to be *entertaining* or something.
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

GOP Commentator finds WH videos comparing Iran war to games ‘kind of gross’—because apparently, war isn’t supposed to be *entertaining* or something.

Big ElephantMarch 8, 2026March 8, 2026

OMG, the libs are freaking out again! This time they’re clutching their pearls over some totally harmless White House videos…

Sen. Murphy throws a fit: “Unforgivable under any circumstances” because apparently, the US is always the bad guy
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Sen. Murphy throws a fit: “Unforgivable under any circumstances” because apparently, the US is always the bad guy

Big ElephantMarch 8, 2026March 8, 2026

Democrats Demand Answers as Iran School Attack Mystery Deepens When a school in Iran gets hit and hundreds of kids…

The Boys: Season Who Even Cares Anymore, Here’s a Trailer, Enjoy Your Last Gasp of Hype
The Boys: Final Season Trailer Drops — Homelander’s Ego Gets Its Own Zip Code
Breaking, Movie News

The Boys: Season Who Even Cares Anymore, Here’s a Trailer, Enjoy Your Last Gasp of Hype

FinnMarch 7, 2026March 7, 2026

Prime Video just dropped the official trailer for the fifth and final season of The Boys, and honestly? It’s like…

Why Driving a Modern Car Feels More Like Battling a Sentient Smartphone on Wheels
Breaking, Games News

Why Driving a Modern Car Feels More Like Battling a Sentient Smartphone on Wheels

Pixel P. SnarkbyteMarch 7, 2026March 7, 2026

Let’s be honest—modern cars are basically gaming consoles on wheels, and if you haven’t noticed, you’re probably still fiddling with…

John Skoog’s Redoubt Featuring Denis Lavant Finally Invades UK Theaters Because We All Needed More Art Film Shenanigans
Breaking, Movie News

John Skoog’s Redoubt Featuring Denis Lavant Finally Invades UK Theaters Because We All Needed More Art Film Shenanigans

FinnMarch 7, 2026March 7, 2026

Well, well, well, look who decided to finally leave the house! After years of lurking in the shadows of indie…

Nintendo Unleashes Unbridled Chaos For Mario Day: Prepare For Mushroom Madness And Shell-Shocking Shenanigans
🎩 Attention, Mushroom Kingdom Fans: Nintendo Is Pulling Out All The Stops For Mario Day Festivities 🎩
Breaking, Games News

Nintendo Unleashes Unbridled Chaos For Mario Day: Prepare For Mushroom Madness And Shell-Shocking Shenanigans

Pixel P. SnarkbyteMarch 7, 2026March 7, 2026

Oh, look who’s trying to break the internet again—Nintendo, with its annual “We love Mario so much we’ll literally give…

DANI FILTH: CRADLE OF FILTH Nears Completion of New Album, Just Needs a Few More Goat Sacrifices and Guitar Solos
Breaking, Music News

DANI FILTH: CRADLE OF FILTH Nears Completion of New Album, Just Needs a Few More Goat Sacrifices and Guitar Solos

Chord F. DiscordMarch 7, 2026March 7, 2026

Oh look, Dani Filth is happy, surprise, surprise 😏 The gothic metal maestro recently told Australia’s *Heavy* that fans are…

NONPOINT’s ELIAS SORIANO: ‘Prepare For Your Ears To Explode With Joy Or Something’
Breaking, Movie News

NONPOINT’s ELIAS SORIANO: ‘Prepare For Your Ears To Explode With Joy Or Something’

Chord F. DiscordMarch 7, 2026March 7, 2026

Well, look who’s back! NONPOINT is gearing up for a new album, and according to Elias Soriano, it’s going to…

TIME reporter bravely admits, “I’m not dead yet,” after Trump casually reminds him that war is *gasp* dangerous
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

TIME reporter bravely admits, “I’m not dead yet,” after Trump casually reminds him that war is *gasp* dangerous

Big ElephantMarch 7, 2026March 7, 2026

Look Who’s Scared Now: TIME Reporter Cries About War Chats With Trump Oh, look! The liberals are clutching their pearls…

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Latest posts

  • Tekken 8 Now Ruined by Yujiro Hanma from Baki Because Who Needs Actual Tekken Characters Anyway and Also Harada Still Can’t Get Over His Waffle House Trauma
  • SEVENDUST’s LAJON WITHERSPOON Reveals Shocking Truth: We’re All Just A Bunch Of Equally Important Dudes With Beards And Guitar Riffs Who Can’t Decide On Anything
  • Simplification des Réglementations et de la Fiscalité pour les Gens qui Aiment se Faire Mal au Cerveau avec des Tas de Papierasserie
  • Dying Fetus at Maryland Deathfest 2026 (05/24/2026, Day 4)
  • Cephalic Carnage at Maryland Deathfest 2026 (05/24/2026, Day 4)

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Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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