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Category: Breaking

Vance Defines War Down To Avoid Timeline
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Vance Defines War Down To Avoid Timeline

Big ElephantSeptember 4, 2026

Folks, I’m sitting here with my coffee, reading about Vice President JD Vance’s latest press conference, and I’ve got to…

Algae just won’t quit its Reflecting Pool gig apparently
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Algae just won’t quit its Reflecting Pool gig apparently

Big ElephantSeptember 4, 2026

I’m sipping my coffee and reading about the Lincoln Reflecting Pool renovation, and folks, it’s a mess. The Trump administration…

White House site now features fun immigrant detention simulators
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

White House site now features fun immigrant detention simulators

Big ElephantSeptember 3, 2026

I’m sipping my coffee and reading about the latest move from the Trump administration, and folks, I almost spilled my…

Missouri Judges Troll Trump With Democracy Thing
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Missouri Judges Troll Trump With Democracy Thing

Big ElephantSeptember 3, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. The Missouri Supreme Court has blocked those new congressional districts backed…

Apple Reboots Every Cliche in Mayday Because Originality is Overrated
Breaking, Movie News

Apple Reboots Every Cliche in Mayday Because Originality is Overrated

FinnSeptember 3, 2026September 3, 2026

The Hollywood Nostalgia Harvest has officially begun, and this year’s crop includes a reimagining of the classic ’80s action movie…

Because You Clearly Need More Nostalgic Cash Grabs In Your Life Now
Breaking, Movie News

Because You Clearly Need More Nostalgic Cash Grabs In Your Life Now

FinnSeptember 3, 2026September 3, 2026

Because what the world really needed was another reason to reminisce about the good old days, it’s been revealed that…

Volkswagen Downsizes to Save Money Somehow
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Volkswagen Downsizes to Save Money Somehow

Big ElephantSeptember 3, 2026

Folks, I’m sipping my coffee and reading about Volkswagen’s latest plans, and I’ve got to say, it’s a doozy. The…

Trump Builds Monument To Himself Because Humility Is Overrated
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Trump Builds Monument To Himself Because Humility Is Overrated

Big ElephantSeptember 3, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. The Trump administration is planning to break ground on a “triumphal…

UGREEN peddles pricey liquid-cooled power banks to fuel your gadget addiction
Breaking

UGREEN peddles pricey liquid-cooled power banks to fuel your gadget addiction

Pixel P. SnarkbyteSeptember 3, 2026September 3, 2026

It’s time to get charged up, folks, because UGREEN just unveiled its MagFlow Series, a lineup of Qi2 25 W…

Minneapolis Shooter Had Totally Normal Pre-Massacre Gun Probe Apparently
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Minneapolis Shooter Had Totally Normal Pre-Massacre Gun Probe Apparently

Big ElephantSeptember 3, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. A shooting in a Minneapolis apartment building has left two people…

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Latest posts

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  • Trump Successfully Angers Iran Some More

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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