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Category: Breaking

Oscars Add More Guards Because FBI Thinks Terrorists Want Red Carpet Selfies Too
The Oscars Are Doubling Down on Security Because Apparently Iran Wants to Drone-Bomb Hollywood's Biggest Night
Breaking, Movie News

Oscars Add More Guards Because FBI Thinks Terrorists Want Red Carpet Selfies Too

FinnMarch 12, 2026March 12, 2026

Well, well, well, look who’s decided to go full Fort Knox for a night of self-congratulatory back-patting! The 98th Academy…

Gavin Newsom Confidently Declares California Safe from Iranian Drones, FBI Memo Be Damned
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Gavin Newsom Confidently Declares California Safe from Iranian Drones, FBI Memo Be Damned

Big ElephantMarch 12, 2026March 12, 2026

Oh look, Gavin Newsom’s in a panic over some unverified Iranian drone threats—how convenient for the Golden State’s drama queen…

Saipan Preview: Legendary Soccer Player Roy Keane’s Epic Tale Drops This March—Get Ready to Witness the Glory of His Glorious Glory!
Oh, Look! Another Film About Rich Men Arguing Over Nothing!
Breaking, Movie News

Saipan Preview: Legendary Soccer Player Roy Keane’s Epic Tale Drops This March—Get Ready to Witness the Glory of His Glorious Glory!

FinnMarch 12, 2026March 12, 2026

Football, the beautiful game where overpaid athletes chase a ball for 90 minutes while the rest of us pretend it…

OVERKILL Gears Up to Over-Record New Album This Spring/Summer, Promises to Overwhelm Fans by Late 2026
OVERKILL's Bobby "Blitz" Ellsworth Confirms New Album: 'It's Pretty Much Done Musically, Just Waiting on My Lazy Ass'
Breaking, Music News

OVERKILL Gears Up to Over-Record New Album This Spring/Summer, Promises to Overwhelm Fans by Late 2026

Chord F. DiscordMarch 12, 2026March 12, 2026

Oh, look who’s still alive and making music in 2026! That’s right, it’s everyone’s favorite New Jersey thrash veterans OVERKILL,…

‘Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory’ Is a Secret Massacre Movie That Will Make You Question Your Childhood
Why Willy Wonka Is Secretly a Slasher Movie
Breaking, Movie News

‘Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory’ Is a Secret Massacre Movie That Will Make You Question Your Childhood

FinnMarch 12, 2026March 12, 2026

If I wanted to torture my brother when we were kids, I only needed to say two words: “Blueberry Girl.”…

Energy Secretary Says War with Iran Is Just ‘Short-Term Pain’— Sen. Coons Calls It ‘Nonsense’ Because Clearly He’s Never Had a Hangover
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Energy Secretary Says War with Iran Is Just ‘Short-Term Pain’— Sen. Coons Calls It ‘Nonsense’ Because Clearly He’s Never Had a Hangover

Big ElephantMarch 12, 2026March 12, 2026

“That’s Nonsense”: Sen. Coons Reacts to Energy Secretary’s Claim That War Fallout Is “Short-Term Pain” In a stunning display of…

CNN Exposes: Missing Teen Keeps Showing Up in d4vd’s DMs Before Turning Up as a Missing Poster
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

CNN Exposes: Missing Teen Keeps Showing Up in d4vd’s DMs Before Turning Up as a Missing Poster

Big ElephantMarch 12, 2026March 12, 2026

Don’t believe the fake news! There’s a lot more to this story than CNN wants you to know. So this…

Ex-‘America’s Next Top Model’ Survivors Reveal the Good, the Bad, and the Botox Ahead of E! Doc Drop
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Ex-‘America’s Next Top Model’ Survivors Reveal the Good, the Bad, and the Botox Ahead of E! Doc Drop

Big ElephantMarch 12, 2026March 12, 2026

Oh Look, It’s the “America’s Next Top Model” Reunion Circus—Because That’s What America Needs Right Now Former contestants from the…

Iran War: Trump’s ‘I’m the Best’ Trophy Now Covered in Dust
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Iran War: Trump’s ‘I’m the Best’ Trophy Now Covered in Dust

Big ElephantMarch 12, 2026March 12, 2026

Stock Market Turmoil: Trump’s Dream Turns to Nightmare as War with Iran Roils Markets Well, folks, it looks like President…

CNN Exclusive: Russia Gives Iran Top Secret Drone Tips to Annoy Uncle Sam Even More
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

CNN Exclusive: Russia Gives Iran Top Secret Drone Tips to Annoy Uncle Sam Even More

Big ElephantMarch 11, 2026March 11, 2026

Breaking: Russia Gifts Iran “How to Annoy America” Drone Masterclass Well, well, well — if it isn’t the plot of…

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Latest posts

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  • Trump heroically admits ignorance of fake news Black unemployment statistic
  • Fake news CNN hyping Pope’s Madrid crowd size obviously

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Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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