Category: The Onion

    Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—Extending an offer to immigrants hoping to relocate to the United States, President Donald Trump unveiled a new…

    Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—Following a daring operation that saw authorities seize the man’s property and detain him in an undisclosed location,…

    Read MoreThe OnionJACKSON, MS—Seeking to assuage consumer concerns about dwindling supplies, the nation’s egg companies reportedly assured shoppers this week that…

    Read MoreThe OnionCHICAGO—Showing a graciousness and magnanimity that the rest of the world has denied these pariahs and rejects, Jordan…

    Read MoreThe OnionThe post Local Teen Invents Masturbation appeared first on The Onion.   FinnFinn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed…

    Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—Promising to use the U.S. DOGE Service to usher in a new age of government accountability and transparency,…

    Read MoreThe OnionCLEVELAND—Excitedly heading out to yards, balconies, and public parks across the country to reap the wellness benefits, the…

    Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—Warning that the highly suspicious individuals constituted a threat to the country’s safety and cultural unity, the U.S.…