Barron Trump Returns Home To Find Melania Converted Room To Unending Labyrinth Of Darkness
Read MoreThe OnionPALM BEACH, FL—Sighing as he pulled on the head of a gargoyle while searching for a secret entrance…
Category: The Onion
Fallopian Tube
Read MoreThe OnionWho says ectopic pregnancy has to be a bad thing? Pending a medically necessary eviction, this luxurious short-term…
‘You’re The Bonnie To My Clyde,’ Says Biden Running Off With Pardoned Turkey
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—Participating in the annual tradition one last time before leaving office, President Joe Biden reportedly told a pardoned…
Fact-Checking RFK Jr. On Health
Read MoreThe OnionRobert F. Kennedy Jr., Donald Trump’s pick to lead the Department of Health and Human Services, has faced…
God Looks 400 Millennia Younger After Infusing Self With Son’s Blood
Read MoreThe OnionTHE HEAVENS—The color noticeably returning to His white beard as His cheeks began to flush with a youthful…
Matt Gaetz Withdraws As Trump’s Attorney General Pick
Read MoreThe OnionFormer Florida Rep. Matt Gaetz announced that he would withdraw his name from consideration to be President-elect Donald…
Smuggler Arrested With 300 Tarantulas Strapped To Body
Read MoreThe OnionPolice in Peru arrested a man caught trying to leave the country with 320 tarantulas, 110 centipedes, and…
Nancy Mace Introduces Bill That Would Ban Trans Colleagues From Congressional Gymnastics Team
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—With widespread support from her Republican colleagues, Rep. Nancy Mace (R-SC) introduced a bill Friday that would ban…
Trump Admits Entire Political Career Has Been WWE Storyline To Set Up Match With Cody Rhodes
Read MoreThe OnionPALM BEACH, FL—Revealing that the stage was first set in 1999 with his short-lived Reform Party run, President-elect…
Political Profile: Matt Gaetz
Read MoreThe OnionPresident-elect Donald Trump selected Matt Gaetz as his choice for attorney general. Here is what you need to…