Elon Musk Holds Office-Wide Contest To Guess How Many Sperm In Cup
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—In an attempt to raise morale by providing a fun yet challenging activity for employees of the U.S.…
Category: The Onion
KFC Leaves Kentucky
Read MoreThe OnionKFC, formerly known as Kentucky Fried Chicken, is leaving its namesake state, moving its corporate headquarters to Plano,…
Tips For Getting Involved At Your Child’s School
Read MoreThe OnionServing as a parent volunteer is a great way to bolster your child’s education as well as give…
Democratic Leaders Stand Real Still In Hopes No One Notices Them
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—With the elected officials trying their hardest not to move a muscle, reports confirmed Monday that top Democratic…
Political Profile: Eric Adams
Read MoreThe OnionDespite calls for his resignation, New York City mayor Eric Adams has stated he is “not going anywhere.”…
Trump Claims Ukraine Started War
Read MoreThe OnionPresident Trump appeared to blame Ukraine’s leaders for the three year war with Russia, arguing Ukrainian President Volodymyr…
Trump Unable To Focus In Meeting As Pressure Of Booking Kennedy Center Summer Jazz Series Looms
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—Amid efforts to prove himself as an effective chair of the performing arts organization, President Donald Trump was…
Dad Spends Daughter’s Wedding Day Thinking About History Of Oil
Read MoreThe OnionMOUNT CLEMENS, MI—With guests congratulating him and his family as his mind drifted back from the very beginnings…
Trump Boys Get Tongues Stuck To Frozen White House
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—Flailing their arms and crying out in anguish, Eric Trump and Donald Trump Jr. were reportedly panicking Thursday…
Venomous Snake Found In Bananas At New Hampshire Grocery Store
Read MoreThe OnionAn Ornate cat-eyed snake was found hiding in a bunch of bananas at a New Hampshire grocery store,…