Category: The Onion

       WASHINGTON—Aiming to cut costs after a poor fiscal quarter, Washington National Opera general director Timothy O’Leary announced plans Monday…

       LOS ANGELES—Audibly whispering “no, no, no” as his mind flashed back to the toiletry item he had neglected to…

       The post Graham Platner Clarifies He Covered Penis With Tattoo After Learning About Its Troubling History appeared first on…

       FRAMINGHAM, MA—In an effort to provide customers with an ever-wider variety of merchandise at steep discounts, executives at TJ…

       WASHINGTON—Raising questions over the ethics of profiting in private business ventures while still holding office, a report released Tuesday found…

       HOUSTON—A new study published Thursday by researchers at the University of Houston revealed that the average American woman vastly…

       ORRVILLE, OH—Stressing that the change in the product line was a necessary adjustment to keep apace in the digital…

       The post Adam Sandler Unwinds After Busy Weekend Officiating 6 Back-To-Back Weddings appeared first on The Onion.     Read More…

       The post Mom Packs Son’s Lunch Box With Leftover Fireworks appeared first on The Onion.     Read More FinnFinn McFrame,…

       California banned the use of “sell by” labels on food packaging in an effort to cut down on food…