Category: The Onion

       President Donald Trump signed an executive order for AI companies to provide the federal government early access to their…

       WASHINGTON—Adopting a tougher stance against the increasingly widespread form of workplace corruption, U.S. Department of Labor officials announced plans…

       WASHINGTON—Instituting a massive overhaul to the federal government’s scientific grant system in order to find the mythical cartoon characters,…

       In a record-breaking opening weekend for A24, horror movie Backrooms brought in $81 million at the domestic box office.…

       LONDON—Bolting upright in bed in a cold sweat, actor Tom Holland reportedly woke up from a terrible nightmare Thursday…

       WASHINGTON—Assuring Americans that a routine medical exam had confirmed the president had no pressing health concerns, Capt. Sean Barbabella,…

       THE NEXT LEVEL—Still reaping the benefits of a mass suicide timed to coincide with the arrival of the Hale–Bopp…

       Serena Williams announced she will play doubles at the prestigious HSBC Championships as a wildcard, marking the 44-year-old superstar’s…

       WASHINGTON—Drawing intense scrutiny for what opponents have characterized as misuse of agency resources, FBI director Kash Patel came under…

       COLTS NECK, NJ—Declaring that he wasn’t about to turn down a fat check for shitting out some hits, rock…