Category: The Onion

       THE HEAVENS—Asserting that He’d had “enough of the drama,” the Lord God, Creator of Heaven and Earth, shocked fans…

       NEW PROVIDENCE, PA—Expressing shock at how much time he’d been wasting on the mindless activity, local Amish man Eli King…

       SAN ANSELMO, CA—Cursing himself for ever thinking “this museum thing” was a good idea, a frantic George Lucas was…

       PORTLAND, OR—Admitting that he was completely at a loss over what he could possibly add, NSFW artist Caleb Driscoll…

       EAST RUTHERFORD, NJ—After divvying up a Bud Light six-pack and soggy Subway sandwiches purchased at an I-87 rest stop,…

       A new survey found that one third of Americans who have health coverage still have medical debt that they…

       Former President Barack Obama announced that his family’s Portuguese water dog Sunny, which they got in 2013 during their…

       The post Pitcher Clearly Ate Rosin Bag appeared first on The Onion.     Read More FinnFinn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind…

       A Russian businessman with ties to Putin spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on Donald Trump Jr.’s wedding after…

       LOS ANGELES—Calling the effort the purest distillation to date of where she is as a dungeon master, pop star…