PORTLAND, OR—Admitting that he was completely at a loss over what he could possibly add, NSFW artist Caleb Driscoll told reporters Monday that he was struggling to improve upon the raw sexuality of the regular Muppets. “Normally this stuff just flows right out of me—like, I’ve never had any issue making Hank Hill or Totoro or the Babadook more fuckable—but damn, with the Muppets, I am just stumped,” said Driscoll, explaining that every attempt to eroticize the beloved Jim Henson characters merely distracted from the sensual power of their original felt forms, specifically citing Kermit’s “tight amphibian dumper,” the Swedish Chef’s “sultry accent and arm-flapping,” and Miss Piggy’s “pink little snout and hooves—my God, those hooves!—I just want her to stomp all over me.” “I’m truly spinning my wheels here. I thought about having Gonzo ejaculate out of his nose, or drawing Statler and Waldorf blowing each other in the balcony, but it all felt like overkill. They’re dime pieces as-is. Maybe I could put Fozzie in leather? Have Janice show some bush? Twink up Scooter and Skeeter a little more? No, no—that’d just be gilding the lily. And I can’t do anything with Rowlf because he’s a dog, and I draw a line at bestiality.” At press time, the frustrated artist had reportedly abandoned an attempt to render an orgy scene after realizing his initial sketch was a near-perfect facsimile of The Muppet Show intro.
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Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.
Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.
Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.
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