Doctors Warn Air Fryers Not A Substitute For Human Companionship
BALTIMORE—Responding to widespread proliferation of the technology in Americans’ daily lives, doctors at Johns Hopkins University warned Thursday that…
Category: The Onion
Trump Angrily Demands Jalen Brunson Put On Suit
NEW YORK—Growing increasingly indignant with each passing possession, President Donald Trump reportedly spent the first quarter of Monday’s Game…
Kylie Jenner Told Nachos Were Sent By Fat Joe
The post Kylie Jenner Told Nachos Were Sent By Fat Joe appeared first on The Onion. The post Kylie…
NYPD Attempts To Deter Terrorists At NBA Finals By Doubling Assassination Fees
The post NYPD Attempts To Deter Terrorists At NBA Finals By Doubling Assassination Fees appeared first on The Onion.…
Trump Claims He Never Promised A Livable Country
The post Trump Claims He Never Promised A Livable Country appeared first on The Onion. The post Trump Claims…
Smokey Bear Claims Views On Wildfires Have Evolved
WASHINGTON—Admitting that his prior beliefs regarding conflagrations had been formed out of ignorance, longtime U.S. Forest Service icon Smokey…
Mystery Men Emerge From NYC Manholes
At least three incidents of mysterious men climbing up from manholes in Brooklyn and Queens have been reported in…
Zeus Lands Cameo Role As Trojan Soldier In ‘The Odyssey’
LOS ANGELES—Sending fans of Greek mythology into a frenzy on social media, The Odyssey director Christopher Nolan confirmed Friday that god…
What Are We Donating To Goodwill?
The post What Are We Donating To Goodwill? appeared first on The Onion. The post What Are We Donating…
Slipknot Orders Trump To Stop Using Their Masks During Rallies
DES MOINES, IA—Joining a long line of musicians who have threatened legal action against the commander-in-chief, nu-metal band Slipknot…