Oprah Announces Closure Of School For Girls In Africa
Oprah Winfrey announced that the school she founded for underprivileged girls in South Africa will close next year, ending…
Category: The Onion
New ‘Ted Lasso’ Season Aims To Teach Viewers About Shapes, Colors
NEW YORK—Claiming that fans would love clapping and dancing along with their favorite characters,Ted Lasso star Jason Sudeikis confirmed that…
Ring Launches Streaming Service
HAWTHORNE, CA—Providing customers with an expansive and growing library of premium content, smart doorbell manufacturer Ring launched a new…
Pentagon Declassifies Files On Blimps
ARLINGTON, VA—In what may be the largest-ever disclosure of government data concerning the mysterious aerial phenomena, Pentagon officials announced…
Trump Baselessly Claims He Is Viral 40-Pound Tabby Cat Named Daddy Cinnamon
WASHINGTON—Promoting the unfounded assertion in an effort to improve his polling, President Donald Trump baselessly claimed during a White…
Small Town’s Make-Out Point Purchased By Multinational Make-Out Conglomerate
FREDERICKTOWN, MO—In a move many residents of this tight-knit community say jeopardizes the beloved scenic hideaway, a multinational make-out conglomerate announced…
Rep. Max Miller: ‘I Refuse To Resign Over What My Wife Made Me Do’
The post Rep. Max Miller: ‘I Refuse To Resign Over What My Wife Made Me Do’ appeared first on…
U.S. Bans Foreign-Made Humanoid Robots
The FCC targeted China by banning the import of foreign-made humanoid robots, citing cybersecurity and national security concerns. What…
Powerball By The Numbers
Many U.S.-based players have reportedly stopped purchasing Powerball tickets in spite of a growing jackpot, believing the odds of…
Power-Mad Marvel Claims ‘Night At The Roxbury’ Part Of MCU
BURBANK, CA—In a bold and shameless effort to expand their growing reach in the film industry, power-mad Marvel Studios…