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Tag: Apple

POWER TRIP And MUNICIPAL WASTE To Headline 2026 Decibel Magazine Metal & Beer Fest: Philly Because Apparently Fermented Hops And Feedback Aren’t Already A Thing
Events, Music News

POWER TRIP And MUNICIPAL WASTE To Headline 2026 Decibel Magazine Metal & Beer Fest: Philly Because Apparently Fermented Hops And Feedback Aren’t Already A Thing

Chord F. DiscordDecember 16, 2025December 16, 2025

Brace your livers and your necks, ye faithful metalheads and hopheads, because the apocalypse is coming… again! And this time,…

Son of Rob Reiner Arrested for Murder: Turns Out Being a Director Doesn’t Guarantee Script Approval From the Law
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Son of Rob Reiner Arrested for Murder: Turns Out Being a Director Doesn’t Guarantee Script Approval From the Law

Big ElephantDecember 15, 2025December 15, 2025

Leftist Hollywood Elites Rob Reiner and Wife Found Slain – Son Arrested in Shocking Case of Artistic Family Collapse In…

New Christmas Movies to Watch in 2025 (Because Netflix Finally Ran Out of Reality Shows)
Breaking, Movie News

New Christmas Movies to Watch in 2025 (Because Netflix Finally Ran Out of Reality Shows)

FinnDecember 12, 2025December 12, 2025

‘Tis the season for brand new Christmas movies, because apparently, we haven’t suffered enough yet. 🎄 As we plunge headfirst…

LIONS AT THE GATE (LOL!) Drops New Single ‘Burn The Candle’ (Cuz They’re Totally Lit, Am I Right?) Feat. Ex-ILL NIÑO & MACHINE HEAD Guys (Who???)
Breaking, Music News

LIONS AT THE GATE (LOL!) Drops New Single ‘Burn The Candle’ (Cuz They’re Totally Lit, Am I Right?) Feat. Ex-ILL NIÑO & MACHINE HEAD Guys (Who???)

Chord F. DiscordDecember 5, 2025December 5, 2025

LIONS AT THE GATE, the supergroup 🙄 featuring ex-ILL NIÑO rejects Cristian Machado (still screaming into the void), Ahrue “Luster”…

Wyatt Feegrado & Luke Abranches: Who Are These Guys and Why Should We Care
Events

Wyatt Feegrado & Luke Abranches: Who Are These Guys and Why Should We Care

Chuck B. BallsyNovember 22, 2025

**OMG! Wyatt Feegrado, the social media SENSATION, is gracing Norwood Theatre! Started comedy at SIXTEEN in San Francisco, CA, now…

Weekend Meetings, Paul Anka Therapy Sessions, and Trump’s Ballroom Fantasies: A CNN Political Soap Opera
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Weekend Meetings, Paul Anka Therapy Sessions, and Trump’s Ballroom Fantasies: A CNN Political Soap Opera

Big ElephantNovember 22, 2025November 22, 2025

You won’t BELIEVE what our favorite President, the one and only Donald J. Trump, is up to now! While the…

Apple Declares New Podcast King, Listeners Everywhere Shrug
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Apple Declares New Podcast King, Listeners Everywhere Shrug

Big ElephantNovember 18, 2025November 18, 2025

Folks, can you believe it? Joe Rogan, a true patriot, has taken the #1 spot on Apple Podcasts! Finally, some…

Adriana Kugler, Ex-Fed Bigwig, Oopsie-Doopsied Her Way Through Trading Rules, CNN Sniffs Out
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Adriana Kugler, Ex-Fed Bigwig, Oopsie-Doopsied Her Way Through Trading Rules, CNN Sniffs Out

Big ElephantNovember 15, 2025November 15, 2025

Another Deep State Operative Busted! Crooked Kugler, a Biden appointee, caught red-handed breaking Fed rules with her shady stock trades.…

Monarch: Legacy of Monsters Season 2 Teaser Drops, Release Date Announced (Prepare for More Monster Mash Madness)
Breaking, Movie News

Monarch: Legacy of Monsters Season 2 Teaser Drops, Release Date Announced (Prepare for More Monster Mash Madness)

FinnNovember 14, 2025November 14, 2025

Apple TV, in its infinite wisdom (or maybe just infinite budget), has decided to unleash another season of its critically…

OMG! Apple Accidentally Leaks iPhone 17 Sales Data (Spoiler: It’s Doomed)
Elephant Reads CNN

OMG! Apple Accidentally Leaks iPhone 17 Sales Data (Spoiler: It’s Doomed)

Big ElephantOctober 30, 2025October 30, 2025

Oh, the Deep State’s favorite fruit peddler, Apple, released their quarterly earnings, and you won’t believe the spin they’re trying…

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Latest posts

  • Media Molecule’s Next Game Will Probably Be a Reboot of Knack with a Battle Royale Mode and a Subscription Service
  • Logitech Finally Creates Products That Won’t Give You Carpal Tunnel After 5 Minutes Of Use Maybe
  • MARK MORTON Still Shocked Nobody Has Copied LAMB OF GOD’s Unique Sound After Only 25 Years of Being Totally Original and Not At All Influenced by Anyone Else
  • Metal Concertgoers Then🍺 vs Now 😔
  • Wife Says Her Love Language Is All Of Them And You’re Going To Have To Guess Which One She Wants Today

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Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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