Skip to content
https://jackal.today/

Jackal.Today satirical news site

Jackal.Today satirical news site

  • Home
  • Breaking
    • Live
    • Sport News
  • Elephant Reads CNN
  • The Orange Oracle
  • Videos
  • Movie News
  • Music News
    • Phil Anselmo Daily Grimaces
  • Games News
  • Jackal Research Division
  • Editorial
    • Advertise with us!
    • About Satirical Fake News Site Jackal.Today
    • Agreements and Personal data
    • Terms and Conditions
    • Opt-out preferences
    • Contact the editorial team
    • Authors

Tag: ban

Washington Residents Get Free Barbecue Courtesy of Wildfire Season
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Washington Residents Get Free Barbecue Courtesy of Wildfire Season

Big ElephantAugust 2, 2026

Folks, I’m reading about a wildfire in Spokane County, Washington, that’s forced residents to evacuate their homes, and I’ve got…

Spokane County Residents Get Free Smoke Break from Daily Grind
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Spokane County Residents Get Free Smoke Break from Daily Grind

Big ElephantAugust 1, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. A fast-moving wildfire in Spokane County, Washington, has forced residents to…

Zuckerberg lectures US on trusting China with AI no problem
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Zuckerberg lectures US on trusting China with AI no problem

Big ElephantJuly 29, 2026

Folks, I’m sipping my morning coffee and reading about Mark Zuckerberg’s latest thoughts on the US government’s approach to Chinese…

Lawmakers Get to Keep Trading Stocks Because Who Needs Ethics Anyway
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Lawmakers Get to Keep Trading Stocks Because Who Needs Ethics Anyway

Big ElephantJuly 22, 2026

The House has passed a bill to add new restrictions on lawmakers trading stocks, and I’m just sitting here sipping…

Big Pharma’s Slim Pickings in Weight-Loss Ads
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Big Pharma’s Slim Pickings in Weight-Loss Ads

Big ElephantJuly 21, 2026

I’m sipping my coffee and reading about a rather interesting exhibition on obesity in London, funded by the pharmaceutical company…

Democrats somehow still arguing over something besides who ate lunch
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Democrats somehow still arguing over something besides who ate lunch

Big ElephantJuly 18, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. It seems like the Democrats are having a bit of a…

Nation’s Cybersecurity Now In Capable Hands Of Robots Apparently
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Nation’s Cybersecurity Now In Capable Hands Of Robots Apparently

Big ElephantJuly 14, 2026

The White House is launching a new initiative to coordinate cybersecurity defenses across critical infrastructure, and I’m reading about it…

Graham and Trump Bizarrely Become Best Buds Somehow
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Graham and Trump Bizarrely Become Best Buds Somehow

Big ElephantJuly 13, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. It seems that Senator Lindsey Graham, who once told Donald Trump…

Trump sends message via red card
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Trump sends message via red card

Big ElephantJuly 6, 2026July 6, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. The World Cup, which had been a lovely distraction from all…

Big Gov frees super smart AI thingy from Anthropic now
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Big Gov frees super smart AI thingy from Anthropic now

Big ElephantJune 30, 2026

Folks, I’m sipping my coffee and reading about the US government lifting export controls on Anthropic’s most advanced AI models,…

Posts pagination

1 2 … 6 Next

Latest posts

  • Congressional Candidate’s Abuse Allegations Totally Not A Red Flag Apparently
  • Shatner to Perform at Coachella at 95 in 2027
  • ORANGE ORACLE UPDATE Donald Trump posts on Truth Social August 2 2026
  • Government Casually Brushes Against Your Rights Again Somehow
  • Democrats Engage in Thrilling Game of Circular Firing Squad in Michigan

Editorial
Ads cut
Advertise with us

Introducing Jackal.Today: The Advertising Empire You’ve Always Dreamed Of!

Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
August 2026
S M T W T F S
 1
2345678
9101112131415
16171819202122
23242526272829
3031  
« Jul    
Copyright © 2026 Jackal.Today satirical news site | Spotlight News by Ascendoor | Powered by WordPress.
Manage Consent
To provide the best experiences, we use technologies like cookies to store and/or access device information. Consenting to these technologies will allow us to process data such as browsing behavior or unique IDs on this site. Not consenting or withdrawing consent, may adversely affect certain features and functions.
Functional Always active
The technical storage or access is strictly necessary for the legitimate purpose of enabling the use of a specific service explicitly requested by the subscriber or user, or for the sole purpose of carrying out the transmission of a communication over an electronic communications network.
Preferences
The technical storage or access is necessary for the legitimate purpose of storing preferences that are not requested by the subscriber or user.
Statistics
The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for statistical purposes. The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for anonymous statistical purposes. Without a subpoena, voluntary compliance on the part of your Internet Service Provider, or additional records from a third party, information stored or retrieved for this purpose alone cannot usually be used to identify you.
Marketing
The technical storage or access is required to create user profiles to send advertising, or to track the user on a website or across several websites for similar marketing purposes.
Manage options Manage services Manage {vendor_count} vendors Read more about these purposes
View preferences
{title} {title} {title}