Skip to content
https://jackal.today/

Jackal.Today satirical news site

Jackal.Today satirical news site

  • Home
  • Breaking
    • Live
    • Sport News
  • Elephant Reads CNN
  • The Orange Oracle
  • Videos
  • Movie News
  • Music News
    • Phil Anselmo Daily Grimaces
  • Games News
  • Jackal Research Division
  • Editorial
    • Advertise with us!
    • About Satirical Fake News Site Jackal.Today
    • Agreements and Personal data
    • Terms and Conditions
    • Opt-out preferences
    • Contact the editorial team
    • Authors

Tag: Black Metal

Devil Master Unleashes Metal Masterclass with You Worms Vain Delusion
Live

Devil Master Unleashes Metal Masterclass with You Worms Vain Delusion

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJuly 10, 2026

Heavy metal at its mystical, ferocious peak requires a difficult alchemical blend of elements to really work. There is the…

Nick Barker Gets Mysterious Disease Because His Music Wasnt Aggressive Enough
Breaking, Music News

Nick Barker Gets Mysterious Disease Because His Music Wasnt Aggressive Enough

Chord F. DiscordJuly 9, 2026July 9, 2026

I just spilled my beer all over my favorite black metal t-shirt, and it’s not even like I’m surprised. I…

LOUDNESS Still Loud After All These Years Somehow
Breaking, Music News

LOUDNESS Still Loud After All These Years Somehow

Chord F. DiscordJuly 8, 2026July 8, 2026

I just spilled my beer all over my black metal t-shirt because I’m so shocked that LOUDNESS is still kicking…

Devil Master Drops New Album And Single You Worms Vain Delusions
Live, Music News

Devil Master Drops New Album And Single You Worms Vain Delusions

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJuly 7, 2026

Devil Master have announced a new album titled Bloody Dreams, set to arrive September 4th via Relapse Records. Ahead of…

Enslaved Drops Spiritual Musical Fusion Track Spirit Helper
Live

Enslaved Drops Spiritual Musical Fusion Track Spirit Helper

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJuly 3, 2026

Enslaved have always managed to delicately thread a quite tricky needle, that being making spiritually activated black metal without slipping…

Sigh Enlists Opeths Mikael Åkerfeldt For New Album
Live, Music News

Sigh Enlists Opeths Mikael Åkerfeldt For New Album

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJuly 2, 2026

Japanese metal veterans Sigh have announced a new album titled Goh-ka, set to arrive September 4th through Peaceville Records. The…

ENSLAVED Teams Up With Actual Native American For Social Media Brownie Points
Breaking, Music News

ENSLAVED Teams Up With Actual Native American For Social Media Brownie Points

Chord F. DiscordJuly 2, 2026July 2, 2026

Oh boy, are you guys ready for some cultural appropriation… err, I mean, “cultural exchange”? 🤦‍♂️ Norwegian progressive metal band…

Amy Lee Discovers Women Exist In Metal Besides Her
Breaking News: Amy Lee from Evanescence Says Something Nice About Other Women in Metal, World Apparently Still Spinning 🌎
Breaking, Music News

Amy Lee Discovers Women Exist In Metal Besides Her

Chord F. DiscordJuly 2, 2026July 2, 2026

I just spilled my beer all over my black metal t-shirt because I’m so shocked – SHOCKED! – that Amy…

Behemoth is Taking a Whole Year Off to Recover from Nergal’s Ego Exhaustion
Breaking, Music News

Behemoth is Taking a Whole Year Off to Recover from Nergal’s Ego Exhaustion

Chord F. DiscordJune 26, 2026June 26, 2026

Breaking News: Behemoth Announces They’re Not Going to Tour as Much, and Honestly, Who Didn’t See This Coming? 🙄 In…

VENOM legends bring out the big guns to play to dozens of people in Uppsala
Breaking, Music News

VENOM legends bring out the big guns to play to dozens of people in Uppsala

Chord F. DiscordJune 23, 2026June 23, 2026

Breaking News: Venom’s Mantas and Abaddon Celebrate 45th Anniversary of “Welcome To Hell” with Epic Concert 🤯 I just spilled…

Posts pagination

1 2 … 8 Next

Latest posts

  • GENE HOGLAN Trash Talks Own Opinion On CHUCK SCHULDINER Doc
  • AC/DC somehow still touring because boomers need something to do
  • Warframe Gets Yet Another Overhaul Because Why Not
  • RUSH somehow still functioning despite Geddy Lee’s old man illnesses
  • ORANGE ORACLE UPDATE: Donald J Trump orders flags lowered for Lindsey Graham

Editorial
Ads cut
Advertise with us

Introducing Jackal.Today: The Advertising Empire You’ve Always Dreamed Of!

Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
July 2026
S M T W T F S
 1234
567891011
12131415161718
19202122232425
262728293031  
« Jun    
Copyright © 2026 Jackal.Today satirical news site | Spotlight News by Ascendoor | Powered by WordPress.
Manage Consent
To provide the best experiences, we use technologies like cookies to store and/or access device information. Consenting to these technologies will allow us to process data such as browsing behavior or unique IDs on this site. Not consenting or withdrawing consent, may adversely affect certain features and functions.
Functional Always active
The technical storage or access is strictly necessary for the legitimate purpose of enabling the use of a specific service explicitly requested by the subscriber or user, or for the sole purpose of carrying out the transmission of a communication over an electronic communications network.
Preferences
The technical storage or access is necessary for the legitimate purpose of storing preferences that are not requested by the subscriber or user.
Statistics
The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for statistical purposes. The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for anonymous statistical purposes. Without a subpoena, voluntary compliance on the part of your Internet Service Provider, or additional records from a third party, information stored or retrieved for this purpose alone cannot usually be used to identify you.
Marketing
The technical storage or access is required to create user profiles to send advertising, or to track the user on a website or across several websites for similar marketing purposes.
Manage options Manage services Manage {vendor_count} vendors Read more about these purposes
View preferences
{title} {title} {title}