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TSA workers suddenly find out what it’s like to be a government contractor: “Wait, I’m not special?”
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

TSA workers suddenly find out what it’s like to be a government contractor: “Wait, I’m not special?”

Big ElephantMarch 14, 2026March 14, 2026

Washington, D.C. – In a stunning display of incompetence, federal employees are once again left holding the bag while politicians…

‘Lanterns’ Aaron Pierre Joins ‘Superman’ Sequel: Because Even Superheroes Need More Light in Their Lives
Hold onto your power rings, folks — it's time for some intergalactic crossover chaos! 🚀✨
Breaking, Movie News

‘Lanterns’ Aaron Pierre Joins ‘Superman’ Sequel: Because Even Superheroes Need More Light in Their Lives

FinnMarch 12, 2026March 12, 2026

It looks like the DC Universe just couldn’t resist the urge to play matchmaker with its cosmic cops. Aaron Pierre,…

Events

“FREE Lean Six Sigma Yellow Belt: Because Who Doesn’t Want to Be a Certified Process Improvement Wizard on Zoom?”

Chuck B. BallsyMarch 8, 2026

Attention all couch potatoes and remote warriors! FREE Lean Six Sigma Yellow Belt Training on Zoom. Mar 21, 2026, 8–4…

Events

“Breaking News: Mobile Cafe Mob Gathers for Brew-haha Bash!”

Chuck B. BallsyMarch 8, 2026

**THE BLOCK: Where Seattle’s Mobile Cafés Collide Like a Caffeine-Fueled Thunderdome** ☕️🔥 On **Sunday, March 8th**, from **11AM-3PM**, Fairview Market…

What to Expect in Friday’s Jobs Report: A Comedy of Economic Errors | CNN Business
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

What to Expect in Friday’s Jobs Report: A Comedy of Economic Errors | CNN Business

Big ElephantMarch 5, 2026March 5, 2026

Another Trump Economic “Win” – Small Businesses Struggle as Trade Wars Backfire Small businesses across America are reportedly struggling to…

Events

“Master the Art of Sketching in Less Time Than It Takes to Microwave a Burrito”

Chuck B. BallsyMarch 4, 2026

**Ready to draw like a sneaky pro?** 😏🎨 Join Nishant Jain, the artist who ditched neuroscience for doodles, as he…

Phasmophobia Revamps Its First Map So Ghosts Can Finally Get Some Privacy and Hide Better
Phasmophobia's Tanglewood Revamp: Because Clearly Your Childhood Home Wasn't Scary Enough
Breaking, Games News

Phasmophobia Revamps Its First Map So Ghosts Can Finally Get Some Privacy and Hide Better

Pixel P. SnarkbyteMarch 1, 2026March 1, 2026

Oh look, Kinetic Games is at it again—taking perfectly functional ghost-hunting content and slapping a fresh coat of haunted paint…

Behold the Mighty Mortal Chris Pratt and His Tiny Sidekick: Live-Action Kratos and Atreus Finally Graced by the Gods of Hollywood
Amazon Reveals God of War Cast, Fans Everywhere Now Praying for Mercy
Breaking, Games News, Movie News

Behold the Mighty Mortal Chris Pratt and His Tiny Sidekick: Live-Action Kratos and Atreus Finally Graced by the Gods of Hollywood

FinnFebruary 27, 2026February 27, 2026

Well folks, the day we’ve all been dreading is finally here. Amazon has graced us with the first official image…

Trump begs Supreme Court to kick out Syrians, because apparently he’s running out of people to yell at at his rallies.
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Trump begs Supreme Court to kick out Syrians, because apparently he’s running out of people to yell at at his rallies.

Big ElephantFebruary 26, 2026February 26, 2026

Trump Fights to End Syria TPS: Liberals Cry, But We’re Taking America Back! President Donald Trump’s administration took another bold…

Events

“AFROBEATS BLOCK PARTY: WHERE EVERYONE’S DANCING EXCEPT YOUR NEIGHBORS’ DOGS”

Chuck B. BallsyFebruary 22, 2026

PHOENIX, AZ! We present you THE AFROBEATS BLOCK PARTY – because nothing says “community” like forcing everyone to dance to…

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Latest posts

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  • Get Ready for the Most Epic Picnic Fest in History aka The Great Nosh NYC Picnic Festival 2026 Where Youll Definitely Eat Too Much Food
  • ISIS Claims Responsibility For Reflecting Pool Algae
  • Obama Library Cruelly Disenfranchises Millions Of Black Americans By Requiring Photo ID For Entry

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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