Skip to content
https://jackal.today/

Jackal.Today satirical news site

Jackal.Today satirical news site

  • Home
  • Breaking
    • Live
    • Sport News
  • Elephant Reads CNN
  • The Orange Oracle
  • Videos
  • Movie News
  • Music News
    • Phil Anselmo Daily Grimaces
  • Games News
  • Jackal Research Division
  • Editorial
    • Advertise with us!
    • About Satirical Fake News Site Jackal.Today
    • Agreements and Personal data
    • Terms and Conditions
    • Opt-out preferences
    • Contact the editorial team
    • Authors

Tag: Blumhouse

Oh Great Another Reboot to Ruin Our Childhood Memories of Robocop Because What Could Possibly Go Wrong with Amazon’s Visionary Genius Behind It
Breaking, Movie News

Oh Great Another Reboot to Ruin Our Childhood Memories of Robocop Because What Could Possibly Go Wrong with Amazon’s Visionary Genius Behind It

FinnJuly 22, 2026July 22, 2026

Oh boy, are you guys ready for some exciting news? 🤩 I mean, who doesn’t love a good Robocop story,…

Grim Harvest: Grave Seasons Unveils Release Date and Endless Gameplay Snooping!
Oh great, another farming sim… wait, hold up—what’s that shadow lurking behind the turnip patch?
Breaking, Games News

Grim Harvest: Grave Seasons Unveils Release Date and Endless Gameplay Snooping!

Pixel P. SnarkbyteMarch 27, 2026March 27, 2026

Farming simulators are about to get a dose of something different, as the horror-tinged Grave Seasons will release on August…

Lee Cronin’s The Mummy Unleashes a New Trailer, Because Apparently We Needed More Bandages in Our Lives
Breaking, Movie News

Lee Cronin’s The Mummy Unleashes a New Trailer, Because Apparently We Needed More Bandages in Our Lives

FinnFebruary 19, 2026February 19, 2026

Oh great, another horror director who’s clearly run out of original ideas just resurrected a classic story that already had…

Lee Cronin’s The Mummy Gets a Teaser So New It Forgot to Reanimate
Breaking, Movie News

Lee Cronin’s The Mummy Gets a Teaser So New It Forgot to Reanimate

FinnJanuary 14, 2026January 14, 2026

Oh, fantastic, another reboot! 🎉 Just what the cinematic universe desperately needed: LEE CRONIN’S THE MUMMY, because clearly, we have…

Five Nights at Freddy’s 2 Drops a Trailer So Bad It’s Actually Hilarious
They’re not just at Freddy’s anymore
Breaking, Movie News

Five Nights at Freddy’s 2 Drops a Trailer So Bad It’s Actually Hilarious

FinnNovember 5, 2025November 5, 2025

Okay, hold on to your hats, folks, because Blumhouse, those masterminds behind such cinematic triumphs as… well, some horror movies,…

Halloween’s Over: Now Grovel For Our Leftovers
Live

Halloween’s Over: Now Grovel For Our Leftovers

Chuck B. BallsyOctober 11, 2025

**OMG! 😱 Another Halloween sequel? Halloween Aftermath— dropping Oct 12, 2025, 7:30 PM (Pacific Time). Cole Dalton survived 2018, but…

M3GAN’s Back, Bitches: How She’ll Haunt Your Dreams (Again)
Breaking, Movie News

M3GAN’s Back, Bitches: How She’ll Haunt Your Dreams (Again)

FinnJuly 7, 2025July 7, 2025

OMG! 😱 ‘M3GAN 2.0’ just dropped, and let me tell you, it’s even more ridiculously amazing than the first one!…

‘M3GAN 2.0’: More Like ‘MEH-GAN 2.0’ am I Right
Breaking, Movie News

‘M3GAN 2.0’: More Like ‘MEH-GAN 2.0’ am I Right

FinnJuly 5, 2025July 5, 2025

Jason Blum, the Nostradamus of cheap thrills and jump scares, has bravely admitted that trying to turn M3GAN into a…

‘M3GAN 2.0’: Still More Annoying Than Your Little Cousin
Breaking

‘M3GAN 2.0’: Still More Annoying Than Your Little Cousin

FinnJune 26, 2025June 26, 2025

Dropping like a bad habit in theaters June 27 is ‘M3GAN 2.0,’ written and directed by the guy who apparently…

Blumhouse Officially Adopts Jigsaw as Their New, Annoying Little Brother
Breaking, Movie News

Blumhouse Officially Adopts Jigsaw as Their New, Annoying Little Brother

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJune 5, 2025June 5, 2025

Okay, so like, apparently Blumhouse, the masters of cheap scares and jump scares that make you spill your popcorn 🍿,…

Latest posts

  • Investors eager to throw money at Venezuela’s powder keg economy
  • Laniidae in Charlotte, NC (08/01/2026)
  • GODSMACK Appears To 700,000 People At Poland’s POL’AND’ROCK FESTIVAL
  • Enemies & Allies in Charlotte, NC (08/01/2026)
  • American Theory in Charlotte, NC (08/01/2026)

Editorial
Ads cut
Advertise with us

Introducing Jackal.Today: The Advertising Empire You’ve Always Dreamed Of!

Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
August 2026
S M T W T F S
 1
2345678
9101112131415
16171819202122
23242526272829
3031  
« Jul    
Copyright © 2026 Jackal.Today satirical news site | Spotlight News by Ascendoor | Powered by WordPress.
Manage Consent
To provide the best experiences, we use technologies like cookies to store and/or access device information. Consenting to these technologies will allow us to process data such as browsing behavior or unique IDs on this site. Not consenting or withdrawing consent, may adversely affect certain features and functions.
Functional Always active
The technical storage or access is strictly necessary for the legitimate purpose of enabling the use of a specific service explicitly requested by the subscriber or user, or for the sole purpose of carrying out the transmission of a communication over an electronic communications network.
Preferences
The technical storage or access is necessary for the legitimate purpose of storing preferences that are not requested by the subscriber or user.
Statistics
The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for statistical purposes. The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for anonymous statistical purposes. Without a subpoena, voluntary compliance on the part of your Internet Service Provider, or additional records from a third party, information stored or retrieved for this purpose alone cannot usually be used to identify you.
Marketing
The technical storage or access is required to create user profiles to send advertising, or to track the user on a website or across several websites for similar marketing purposes.
Manage options Manage services Manage {vendor_count} vendors Read more about these purposes
View preferences
{title} {title} {title}