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Tag: breaking

‘Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory’ Is a Secret Massacre Movie That Will Make You Question Your Childhood
Why Willy Wonka Is Secretly a Slasher Movie
Breaking, Movie News

‘Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory’ Is a Secret Massacre Movie That Will Make You Question Your Childhood

FinnMarch 12, 2026March 12, 2026

If I wanted to torture my brother when we were kids, I only needed to say two words: “Blueberry Girl.”…

CNN Exclusive: Russia Gives Iran Top Secret Drone Tips to Annoy Uncle Sam Even More
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

CNN Exclusive: Russia Gives Iran Top Secret Drone Tips to Annoy Uncle Sam Even More

Big ElephantMarch 11, 2026March 11, 2026

Breaking: Russia Gifts Iran “How to Annoy America” Drone Masterclass Well, well, well — if it isn’t the plot of…

Fortnite Save The World Will Finally Stop Nickel-and-Diming Us, Just Kidding It’s Still Fortnite
Breaking, Games News

Fortnite Save The World Will Finally Stop Nickel-and-Diming Us, Just Kidding It’s Still Fortnite

Pixel P. SnarkbyteMarch 11, 2026March 11, 2026

After years of being the paid sibling that nobody talked about at parties, Fortnite Save The World is finally stepping…

Bungie Caves Again, Makes Marathon NPCs Even More Pathetic Than Your Average Player’s K/D Ratio
Marathon Patch Surprisingly Drops The Difficulty On NPCs And Fans Are Thrilled
Breaking, Games News

Bungie Caves Again, Makes Marathon NPCs Even More Pathetic Than Your Average Player’s K/D Ratio

Pixel P. SnarkbyteMarch 11, 2026March 11, 2026

Well, well, well… look who finally decided to stop gatekeeping their own game! Bungie’s latest patch for Marathon has sent…

LEGO Teases “Bricktendo” PlayStation 2026 Release, Fans Wonder If They’ll Need to Step on It to Turn It On
LEGO, The Master Of Turning Nostalgia Into Expensive Plastic Bricks, Apparently Wants To Recreate Your Childhood Trauma With A PlayStation Set
Breaking, Games News

LEGO Teases “Bricktendo” PlayStation 2026 Release, Fans Wonder If They’ll Need to Step on It to Turn It On

Pixel P. SnarkbyteMarch 11, 2026March 11, 2026

Oh look, LEGO is at it again—because why let people enjoy their actual video game consoles when you can spend…

The Absolute *Shocking* Oscar Winners That Make Us Question Humanity’s Taste
Breaking, Movie News

The Absolute *Shocking* Oscar Winners That Make Us Question Humanity’s Taste

FinnMarch 10, 2026March 10, 2026

Okay, let’s get this straight. The Academy Awards are meant to be the pinnacle of cinematic achievement—the gold standard for…

Resident Evil Requiem Director Spills Beans on Fresh Story Bits and Mini-Game Madness Brewing!
Breaking, Games News

Resident Evil Requiem Director Spills Beans on Fresh Story Bits and Mini-Game Madness Brewing!

Pixel P. SnarkbyteMarch 10, 2026March 10, 2026

Resident Evil Requiem Director Confirms More Content Is Coming, Because Five Million Sales Wasn’t Enough To Make Him Rich Well,…

Yoshi’s Mysterious Book: The Saga of the Missing May 21 Release Date Unveiled!
Breaking, Games News

Yoshi’s Mysterious Book: The Saga of the Missing May 21 Release Date Unveiled!

Pixel P. SnarkbyteMarch 10, 2026March 10, 2026

Oh look, it’s another Nintendo announcement and everyone’s losing their minds like they just found a rare amiibo in a…

CNN Broadcasting from Tehran: Iran Promises ‘Surprises’ – Because Who Doesn’t Love a Good Plot Twist?
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

CNN Broadcasting from Tehran: Iran Promises ‘Surprises’ – Because Who Doesn’t Love a Good Plot Twist?

Big ElephantMarch 9, 2026March 9, 2026

Breaking News: CNN’s Latest Propaganda Tour in Tehran—Because Nothing Says ‘Objective Journalism’ Like Iranian Government Approval! In a stunning display…

Breaking: 7 Hilarious Political Quandaries About the Epic War with Iran – Because Why Not?
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Breaking: 7 Hilarious Political Quandaries About the Epic War with Iran – Because Why Not?

Big ElephantMarch 9, 2026March 27, 2026

Here’s the unvarnished truth about Trump’s new war with Iran – buckle up, patriots! Well folks, it’s been a wild…

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  • Backrooms Explained Because You Clearly Need Your Hand Held Through a Bunch of Empty Rooms and Confusing Theories and Also Whats Up with That Async Thingy and Dont Even Get Me Started on the Ending
  • CHARLIE BENANTE Obviously The Real Brain Behind PANTERA Hopes To Bless The World With More PANTERA Music Because Lets Be Real He’s The Only One Who Actually Mattered Anyway

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Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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