Skip to content
https://jackal.today/

Jackal.Today satirical news site

Jackal.Today satirical news site

  • Home
  • Breaking
    • Sport News
    • The Orange Oracle
  • Live
  • Spin the fake!
  • Elephant Reads CNN
  • Videos
  • Movie News
  • Music News
    • Phil Anselmo Daily Grimaces
  • Games News
  • Jackal Research Division
    • Legalizer
    • Spin Of The Day
  • Editorial
    • Advertise with us!
    • About Satirical Fake News Site Jackal.Today
    • Agreements and Personal data
    • Terms and Conditions
    • Opt-out preferences
    • Contact the editorial team
    • Authors

Tag: cancer

Hospital Tries To Fix Humans With Code Because That’s Going Well
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Hospital Tries To Fix Humans With Code Because That’s Going Well

Big ElephantJuly 16, 2026

I’m sipping my coffee and reading about the latest developments at the Mayo Clinic, where they’re using AI to help…

Jason Newsted gets throat cancer because your nu-metal screams werent loud enough
Breaking, Music News

Jason Newsted gets throat cancer because your nu-metal screams werent loud enough

Chord F. DiscordJuly 15, 2026July 15, 2026

Jason Newsted, the former Metallica bassist, has announced that he’s hitting the road with his band, The Chophouse Band, and…

Erik Grönwall reunites 14 people with his new music video
Breaking, Music News

Erik Grönwall reunites 14 people with his new music video

Chord F. DiscordJuly 11, 2026July 11, 2026

I mean, who needs coffee when you’ve got Erik Grönwall’s powerful vocals blasting in your ears? 😂 The former SKID…

Roger Glover promises not to milk farewell tour cash grab just yet
Breaking, Music News

Roger Glover promises not to milk farewell tour cash grab just yet

Chord F. DiscordJuly 5, 2026July 5, 2026

Oh no, the world is apparently not ready for DEEP PURPLE to retire just yet 🤯! In a shocking turn…

CNN thinks I care about moon bases and coffee perks really
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

CNN thinks I care about moon bases and coffee perks really

Big ElephantJuly 1, 2026

Well, folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. The World Cup is in full swing, and Team USA…

Stryper’s Michael Sweet Beats Cancer Because Prayer Works Obviously
Breaking, Music News

Stryper’s Michael Sweet Beats Cancer Because Prayer Works Obviously

Chord F. DiscordJune 29, 2026June 29, 2026

Oh no, the world is definitely ending: Michael Sweet of Stryper has thyroid cancer… but don’t worry, he’s mostly fine,…

Jason Newsted spends 5 years writing memoir because 130 chapters of his life are that fascinating apparently
Breaking, Music News

Jason Newsted spends 5 years writing memoir because 130 chapters of his life are that fascinating apparently

Chord F. DiscordJune 28, 2026June 28, 2026

OH NO, JASON NEWSTED IS WRITING A BOOK AND WE’RE ALL DOOMED 🤯! I mean, who doesn’t want to read…

Ann Wilson tells young musicians to abandon all hope and relationships now
Breaking News: Ann Wilson Gives Advice to Young Artists, and Honestly, It's a Miracle She Didn't Tell Them to Run Away Screaming 🙅‍♀️
Breaking, Music News

Ann Wilson tells young musicians to abandon all hope and relationships now

Chord F. DiscordJune 28, 2026June 28, 2026

Oh boy, are you guys ready for some brutal honesty from one of rock’s most iconic voices? 🤯 Ann Wilson,…

You’ll Never Guess Where Folks Live Longer Now
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

You’ll Never Guess Where Folks Live Longer Now

Big ElephantJune 28, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. It looks like the 2026 campaign is heating up, and health…

COAL CHAMBER Drummer MIKEY COX Because One Cancer Surgery Just Wasn’t Enough Apparently
Breaking, Music News

COAL CHAMBER Drummer MIKEY COX Because One Cancer Surgery Just Wasn’t Enough Apparently

Chord F. DiscordJune 12, 2026June 12, 2026

COAL CHAMBER has canceled its appearance at the Louder Than Life festival, and we’re all thoroughly devastated… said no one…

Posts pagination

Previous 1 … 4 5 6 … 16 Next

Latest posts

  • Gas Prices Soar Because Who Needs Money Anyway
  • Noel Gallagher Makes Surprise Appearance On Chicken Shop Date
  • Metal Icons Join Texas Frightmare Horror Convention Lineup in 2027
  • Tony Iommi Unleashes Haunting New Track Over the Violent Sun
  • CIA Experiencing Mass Exodus

Editorial
Ads cut
Advertise with us

Introducing Jackal.Today: The Advertising Empire You’ve Always Dreamed Of!

Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
October 2026
S M T W T F S
 123
45678910
11121314151617
18192021222324
25262728293031
« Sep    
Copyright © 2026 Jackal.Today satirical news site | Spotlight News by Ascendoor | Powered by WordPress.