Skip to content
https://jackal.today/

Jackal.Today satirical news site

Jackal.Today satirical news site

  • Home
  • Breaking
    • Live
    • Sport News
  • Spin the fake!
  • Elephant Reads CNN
  • The Orange Oracle
  • Videos
  • Movie News
  • Music News
    • Phil Anselmo Daily Grimaces
  • Games News
  • Jackal Research Division
    • Legalizer
  • Editorial
    • Advertise with us!
    • About Satirical Fake News Site Jackal.Today
    • Agreements and Personal data
    • Terms and Conditions
    • Opt-out preferences
    • Contact the editorial team
    • Authors

Tag: Half-Life

Fortnite Finally Back on Google Play: Gamers Celebrate, Parents Weep Quietly
Breaking, Games News

Fortnite Finally Back on Google Play: Gamers Celebrate, Parents Weep Quietly

Pixel P. SnarkbyteMarch 19, 2026March 19, 2026

After five long years and courtroom battles, Fortnite has finally returned to the Google Play Store today, just in time…

Valve’s 30% Steam Tax Racket Gets Epic UK Roasting in Class Action Clown Show
Breaking, Games News

Valve’s 30% Steam Tax Racket Gets Epic UK Roasting in Class Action Clown Show

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJanuary 28, 2026January 28, 2026

Hold onto your wallets, gamers! 🤯 Valve, the beloved overlords of Steam (aka that place where your paycheck goes to…

Xbox Big Boss Man Nukes Next-Gen Console Hype Train, Gamers Weep
Breaking, Games News

Xbox Big Boss Man Nukes Next-Gen Console Hype Train, Gamers Weep

Pixel P. SnarkbyteOctober 20, 2025October 20, 2025

Oh honey, bless your heart, did you REALLY think Xbox was gonna ditch the console game? 🤣 Sarah Bond, the…

5 Games Left in 2025 That Might Not Suck (Fingers Crossed)
Breaking, Games News

5 Games Left in 2025 That Might Not Suck (Fingers Crossed)

Pixel P. SnarkbyteAugust 17, 2025August 17, 2025

Alright, gamers, summer’s (almost) over, but who cares? 🤷 We’ve got like, what, five games left in 2025 that might…

Valve confirms Half-Life 3 is playable, meaning it’s only 30 years away from release! 🤡🎉
Breaking

Valve confirms Half-Life 3 is playable, meaning it’s only 30 years away from release! 🤡🎉

Pixel P. SnarkbyteMay 5, 2025May 5, 2025

OMG! 😱 Tyler McVicker, the guy who’s been “reporting” on Half-Life 3 since, like, the Stone Age, says it’s PLAYTESTABLE!…

🤔 The Legendary Half-Life 3 Is Finally Here, But There’s a Catch… 🤯
😂 Valve Announced Half-Life 3? Well, Almost… 💩
Games News

🤔 The Legendary Half-Life 3 Is Finally Here, But There’s a Catch… 🤯

Pixel P. SnarkbyteMarch 30, 2025March 30, 2025

The Jackal.Today editorial team sniffed around through our secret channels (yes, we have people even in Valve’s basement, where Gabe…

Latest posts

  • Hegseth desperately tries to make Iran rescue sound exciting
  • LEGALIZER: Man Asks if He Can Sue Alarm Clock, Immediately Turned Into a Federal Offense
  • Mastodon Celebrates 20 Years of Blood Mountain
  • Brandon Flowers Covers Oasis With Son Onstage In Salt Lake City
  • LEGALIZER: Man Asks Vending Machine Question, Somehow Triggers Federal Jurisdiction

Editorial
Ads cut
Advertise with us

Introducing Jackal.Today: The Advertising Empire You’ve Always Dreamed Of!

Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
September 2026
S M T W T F S
 12345
6789101112
13141516171819
20212223242526
27282930  
« Aug    
Copyright © 2026 Jackal.Today satirical news site | Spotlight News by Ascendoor | Powered by WordPress.